Monday, 30 October 2006

Black Morning

he held my hand
he took me far
he left me there
now i dont know where you are

life is a game
life is a dream
i think i woke too soon, it seems

i saw his hands touching her
but i turned my back
ran out of view
tears fell from my eyes
and u shud kno
i am just like you...


iam a drama queen
they say you're the best i've seen
can i be so oblivious to the shadows?
like the rest of you are...
i am what you're after
broken mirrors and blood in a jar
there's a hand on my mouth
and i cant scream
i cant bleed for u tonight
i have tried before but fuck it i cant shout
i am naked for you, does that make me right?
like poison apples of eden
like the touch of your skin
i am like a dead leaf blowing away
yellow and dry in the autumn wind
so close,yet so far
i cannot be where you are
one step closer to the shame
and two steps away from where i was...

Ramblings - II

touch my body
feel my skin
let me be the one
to crawl within

this velvet surrender
is a weight iam under

i can bid goodbye to these lies
so i give in to your wasted tries

i am fading thru these sheets
u cant see my skin
i am lying on a bed of nails
with all that made me sing...

i want to forget about my past
tomorrow is a pill i cant swallow

hands are shaking as they hold the gun
i dont kno of the dreams to come...

all that i have lived for is a lie
the reasons,excuses and the tries
feel like drowning in this rain
now all my nightmares kno my name...

Thursday, 26 October 2006

The Grudge

This is about the dark side of love and liking someone...or...what I went thru in my previous love life...

I walked into her head tonight,
Nothing you could say can make it right
Remember the faces beset with gloom?
My shades turn to shadows of the moon.

Two bodies lay naked on a yellow field
Naked, they watch their senses reel
Are you my stranger across the room?
Something tells me I spoke too soon...

Sweet revelations and a silent wish
Never easy to lead the life I live.
Smothered with words, filled with lies
Your apple rots to its sweet decline.

They lick the bones clean of all the shame
Never differed, just trying to kill the pain.
The flies of tomorrow were maggots of yesterday
I bleed on a bed of nails, but she makes me wait...

I wrapped our love in a bundle of dead hair
I slit my wrists to stop the pain.
If I knew what you meant to me from before,
I'd get up and do it again.

There's a lie in your throat and I wanna rip it out,
There's a devil in your head and I wanna see him bleed.
Be careful watch you wish for, honey
What you don't know may not set you free.

Monday, 23 October 2006

Little Sister

She's known as danger, we consider as her our own,
The sweetest stranger, leave her alone.
Call it anger, call it what you may,
Throw away your fears, leave the ghosts at bay.

The screams in the room, the blood in the hall
All alone in the gloom, she takes the fall.
Make her remember, make sure she never forgets
If she turns, make it her biggest regret.

Crying to her doll,love will break her fall
But the mirror stuck to the skin, is digging in.
Walking tall, on the floor she crawls
There's a change that lies somewhere within.

She jumped from the window, stripped herself bare
He followed her through the field, grabbed her by the hair
She laughed out, but in vain
She said she missed the comfort in her pain.

They couldn't bend her, even though they tried
I couldn't mend her, when she cried
We prayed together, wish we'd fly
Wish we could leave all those behind...

I'm waiting, the smoke tells me its time to go,
A whistle, two more seconds, she'll be at the door.
But now I'm moving, running with the north - bound train
The outside its all empty, but she never came...

- Dedicated to all the children who are/were sexually abused...i dont know where you are...but I feel your pain...

Man With Rain In His Shoes - II

Walking along the shoreline
Just before the noon,
I am the man with
Rain in his shoes.

Oh, some things we cant have
And this life we cant change
But forget the past and move on,
Sun will shine after the rain.

I hope we find the key
To the lock on eternity.
Nothing in our lives is worth wasting
For nothing in our lives is free…

The days are long
And how long must you wait for him?
Don’t fall down and get blown away
Don’t let our light dim.

Home’s almost here
Be strong and hold on to my hand
Two more steps have no fear,
As water dissolves the land.

And I keep walking as the sun sets
Maybe I forgot the way to my home.
And now I’m back to my all,
As I stand drenched and complete,
Outside your door.
-In yo' face, bitch(y'all know wat i mean)! Iam in love now...

Friday, 20 October 2006

Chapter 3

Whatever it takes
I’ll walk the mile.
And I don’t care about our tomorrows,
It has been a while.
I’m getting so tired
So tired of starting again.
The sun is over me
I’ve lost my dreams in the rain.
I’ve been loved
I’ve been forgotten and lost.
I’ve been hated
I’m back to the start
You are me.
So we are one.
You shimmer from so far away
A mirror for the sun.

Thursday, 19 October 2006

Losing It... there anybody out there?...or in here?...anyway ive come here to say what i wanna so u might as well read it later...I AM IN LOVE...!! TINGLES AND EVERYTHING!! HAA HAA HAA...finally i found the miracle drug...and its helping me...she is perfect...even though she doesnt seem to think so...ive started ignoring alice(my guitar) dese days...i better pick her up and strum a few notes and make her happy...i think i will do that right now...chao!thanks for ur time...(were u even reading this?)

Sunday, 15 October 2006

Angel In A Stranger

If you look again
She will not be what she seems
She will be a whole new world
Smiling in your dreams.

If you touch her hand
She will lead you on.
And before you can even know it,
The past will be gone.

You may fight a war,
You can lose it all.
But she will heal the wounds
She will always be what she was.

She will make you laugh
She will make you forget
How bad this world can be,
When you end up in regret…

If you sing her songs,
She will come to you.
She’ll let you stay inside
If the words you say are true.

She is not a woman
She is not a girl.
She is not a friend
But an angel in a stranger, for sure.

Man Of The Family

Speak when you’re spoken to
Don’t pretend you’re free
Go where you’re taken to
I’ll tell you what you ought to be.

Cut out that noise, boy
Don’t you know I’ve laid a path for you?
What’s there to accomplish in a world full of masks?
I’m hoping you would learn a trick or two…

Don’t talk back to me son
I’ll shut you up for good
Never forsake whatever I’ve said
And make sure you’ve understood.

Do I make myself clear?
Or should I turn around and push rewind?
Don’t you tell me how it works, junior
I know what goes on in your dirty mind…

You think you’re right and I’m wrong?
You think there’s a place where you belong?
You think you’re the one who wrote this song?
Well I think you’re wrong,
I think you’re all wrong…


They say there is nothing like silence.

You can get a feeling of it in outer space. It has no limit. It’s just as vast, as dense, and as coarse as the space. But it’s not the same here on earth.

When I step out in my balcony at night carrying things in my head that no one else knows, I am silent…but I am slowly observing the travesty of life unfolding or watching myself unreel. All I know is that at that precise moment, at just that time in my life, I am mine. And nobody could take that away from me even if they wanted to.

I hear things that are far out in the distance. Cars honking away at the traffic. Kids playing, running around and screaming in the streets. The slow hum of the fan in my neighbour’s living room. Another neighbour of mine yelling curses at his wife, shortly followed by the sound of plates crashing down. I see a dog scratching himself under my balcony, I still don’t have a name for him but I feed him everyday. I like that dog.

Then there are the things I don’t see but I know that they are happening. I know the sun is rising in Brazil…or is going to. I know that people are probably watching their favourite soap right now on the tube and that’s why they aren’t out in the balcony to see the perfect shape of the moon and to gaze at the stars like me. I know that right now at this moment, someone is thinking of me…or I hope they are. I know that my maid is probably getting beaten by her husband. Someone’s mom is yelling at her kid for not doing his or her homework. Someone is dying. Someone is finding a reason to live. Someone is looking to the sky just like me at this instant…but for the final time before he jumps off the balcony. A child is dying. A mother is giving birth, she couldn’t be happier.

And I know there is a father who is walking out of his young teenage daughter’s room and is saying to her ‘if you tell this to your mother, you know what will happen to you…’ She is all alone now. Trying to understand what happened…but her young mind couldn’t seem to fully grasp the horror she has just been through. She hugs the pillow tightly.

I feel like I belong somewhere else, far away from here. I look to the sky feeling like this town is not mine anymore.

There is no such thing as silence.

I've Seen

I've seen an archer with broken arrows
I've seen a house where no one lived
I’ve seen a girl standing on the edge
And in an ocean, a haunted ship.

I’ve seen a poet with his songs gone bad.
I’ve seen a singer who sold his soul.
I’ve seen a man with a love so true
You couldn’t even weigh it in gold.

I’ve seen a woman with voices in her head
I’ve seen a man who died for peace
I’ve seen a protestor who crossed the line
And lies bound and gagged now, tied to a leash.

I’ve seen a boy uncertain of his future
I’ve seen a man running from his past
I’ve seen a girl say ‘sorry’
When all she had to do, was to come back…

I’ve seen a father whose prayers were answered
I’ve seen a mother who lost it all
I’ve seen a soldier fighting a losing battle
All alone again, he takes the fall.

These are the things that I’ve seen,
Things that I’ve lived for, things that I’ve been
Things that I’ll remember, things that I’ll forget
Why do the hopefuls always end up in regret?


Sometimes I feel like just sitting in a car and driving far away. I don’t even know where to go or where I will land up…I just wanna drive far, far away. I know of the places where I think I should be, places where I wish I was, places where I think I will find more happiness and better people than here…But where I am right now is none of them so I just wanna escape.

To be really honest I don’t really know where I belong. And don’t get me wrong, I ain’t running away like a coward, or maybe I am and I just don’t know it yet. Maybe the place where I think I should be might just turn out to be like the one I am in now. Maybe there isn’t actually a place where I belong. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel that I have more doubts and questions in my head than reasons and answers.

I wouldn’t be wrong if I said I have good friends here with me right now. But no one truly understands me than one or two of them…maybe I don’t give anyone a chance. Maybe they don’t deserve it. I don’t fucking know about anything or anyone in my life. People are way too complicated for me to understand. But I do understand them…I just wish I couldn’t. Why am I even writing this down? Its not like anyone will read this anyway.

You wanna read the happy stuff, the good stuff, the positive stuff, about waterfalls, rainbows and butterflies…you don’t wanna read about the ugly side of things and find beauty in it,you don’t wanna see the miserable Aazar, the weak Aazar, the Aazar who fell down so hard even thought he wasn’t so high. ‘Why don’t you try to be more positive man, man?’ that’s all they say. Without knowing what I went through or I am going through.

The more you see…the less you know…more you find out as you go…Bono was right, so right. Sometimes I feel I analyze life too much…I forget about trying to live it.

I just wanna drive away man…far, far away…and it will help if I had anyone with me because sometimes you can’t make it alone.

No distance is too far.

No road too long for a walking man. I’ve always believed that.

I don’t know where I will be tomorrow…

…But I know I will get there.


It’s funny how this life works
Running in circles each and everyday
Now I know I saw you waiting for me
But I know you won’t be there.
Somethings we’ve left undone
Sometimes – just like before.
When you walk into a room,
It’s not just black and white anymore…
If you think you didn’t find a reason
To everything that ever held true.
Know for sure – because you must that,
I did it all for you.

Friday, 13 October 2006

Heart Of Gold

I look in the shadows but ure not there
I chase you in the dark I follow you everywhere
I hide beneath your weight girl and I'll tell you I miss u so
I'll keep our secrets from your followers but please don't go

I can keep waiting, chained to this earth
I am what im after, I haven't had enough
You lie in the grass with your eyes wide open
You dream of a better day and the words not yet spoken...

These lips weren't meant to kiss
These hands weren't meant to hold
Ain't no relief when people say
''You've got a heart of gold...''

I pry my eyes open,
It's jus another damn day
My mornings are slow,
Every night ends the same.

I try to make you smile, give you a reason to live
I fall short of everything, now I got nothing to give.
No one is the same, and people turn away
Wonder why I came her, now I feel like I can stay.

I will hold my ground,
I will take my stand
I feel like I can do anything,
When you hold my hand.

I've done all within my power,
Bought a truth that can't be sold.
Ain't no escape from the lies,
And they say I've a heart of gold.

They call me a hero, but I've lost the fight
I ain't no lover, she says this love ends tonight.
I've lost my time with everything
So I lie on the ground and I start to sing.

I sing this for hope and faith
I sing this for my king
I sing this for the ones who've lost it all
They cannot dance to anything.

I sing this for my love,
I sing this with my soul.
Believe me when I say,
She has a heart of gold.
- Dedicated to ''motu''

Tuesday, 10 October 2006


This city, it aint pretty
I've walked it's streets alone.
I've wandered far and wide
For anything to call my own.

When the night grows darker
The smoke hangs in the air.
That old man still huddles
Near my doorway in despair.

And I've heard the songs
Read the writing on the wall
Now I seem to be falling,
But its a ong way down to nothing at all...

When the lights go down,
I'm no one again.
The stars are looking at me forever
Thinking whether my life could pass as sane.

This city - it ain't pretty
I've got no place to hide
Let me sleep with my followers
Let me wake with someone by my side.

Can I please be oblivious,
To walk in the rain.
Sometimes I want to break away
All the children are insane.

Let me follow the sun,
The path of light.
I've got amazing powers of observation,
But I got no second sight.

Or, let me drown in the rain,
Let me wallow in the mud.
The seasons change too soon,
Never the one who would have enough.

This city - it ain't pretty
Black as my heart, drowned in sorrow.
I'll never leave, I never can
There is no salvation in tomorrow.

This winding road has got me far
To where I once began.
I'll try to wear a mask for you
If you hold my hand.

I know it's not perfect,
The people waste your time.
But this city is all I got now,
This city is mine.

Dead Letters

I try to sleep with no sleep in my eyes
But i still dream with eyes open wide
I shed a tear for those who don't remain
As time goes by - they all look the same.

I've held you close,
Treated you as my own
Still I feel, this house
Doesnt make a home.

It wouldnt make me jealous,
To hear that he sweetened your nights,
I'm not a lover like that,
And besides, it would still be alright.

What can I do?
Where do I begin?
To justify my thoughts
And the state that I'm in.

People gather around me,
And I hear them say,
Well nothing is going the way it should,
Better get down on your knees and pray.

You wore my shoes, they didnt fit you well
You said you'd rather be light.
I'm not your kind of lover, girl
But it's still alright.

I'm walking out again,
To a place I've been to before.
I could try to say goodbye,
But that's what you're not looking for...

I kiss you softly,
I miss yours - deep and warm.
Your breath, warm upon my neck,
Like a sleepy, golden storm.

I've left my letters by the bed,
They will get to you soon.
You needn't turn on the light,
You can read them by the moon.

It shouldn't be so hard
To leave you there in your dreams.
But the real ones shall begin
When you rise alone, it seems.

This time I'm goin far away
Not waiting to bid you goodbye.
I know I'm not the one you want,
But it's still alright.

Monday, 9 October 2006

Nowhere Town

I went to nowhere town today
They didnt call me
Still I walked along
The borders of mankind.

Once there were people here
Now, it's inhabited
By their souls

It brings me pain
To think of them again

I once lived here
In nowhere town.
No u - turns
No road blocks

I'll never go back
To nowhere town...

There is a pub there
Where people stopped talking
There is a par there
Where people stopped walking

People stopped coming here
They're all gone somewhere

And in nowhere town...
Flowers still grow in
Nowhere town...
It still rains
In nowhere town...

There's no one lost or found
In nowhere town

But that's where I lost you
In nowhere town...

Saturday, 7 October 2006

Nowhere Town - II

Crossroads seem to come and go
And I hear the folklores of long ago
They turn now and then
And I meet with the hurricanes.

Dead man with his gold
On the side of the road
He won't stay without his dreams
The town still hides many things...

Coming back - now let's go
But I don't know which way's out
So I go slow.

The drink's on the counter
But the bar's empty
Horses run free
Damaging the security

The browning, broken window
Hides many secrets
Feel she's here with me now
I can feel her presence here, somehow...

Coming back to nowhere town
No guitar strings, no sound
No one to give you company
No one's around

Watch me from the rooftops
A shot rings out
I run to find no one there
Just a bull chewing
On a bail of hay.

Let's paint this town red
Because it's all painted gray
It's grown so fray

I lived here once, in nowhere town
Wonder why I left
Then forgot to come around

So I hop in my ride
Trying to rid the memories
Out of my mind

Just don't look back
And leave this town behind.

Friday, 6 October 2006

Nowhere Town - III

A promise I could keep
Is a promise I never made.
And I'm too early for tomorrow,
And too late for yesterday.

There's a place I've left behind,
A place that shines in the night.
But inside of me, sweet memories,
Of glowing embers and the fading lights.

Though I don't know where I'm going
But my past has a way of knowing
That I've been there before.

And I must be learning
That my baby must be waiting,
For me to come back for more.

There's a heavy heart that beats,
With every passing mile it bleeds.
And I'm left in the wake of the mistakes I've made.
Feel me, touch me, close your eyes
I need some release.

So let me go,
For the time has come
To walk towards
The sinking sun.

The present turns to future,
And the future to past.
Though I feel you close to me,
But that feeling never lasts.

White Rose

Patiently I've waited
I haven't slept
Your thoughts in my head
Keep me awake
Sacrifice my blood for
White rose's sake
And my world's tattooed
- Everything gone black
All barren
Brown, red, empty sand
Feel close to heaven
- Touched by your hands
The white rose
Still grows and grows
Where you used to stand...

The Artist

She paints a new world everyday
And for once, wishes that it was yesterday
She colours my world
- Fills the empty sheet of canvas
And leaves me with nothing to say
She holds my hand
And takes me to that place again
And for once, we wish it was yesterday
When her and I could be together
But she paints a perfect weather
She's so far away
But I can see her shimmer from here.
Oh, she holds my hand
And I lie against the wind
I have a name on the sand
Don't wash it away.
Let it stay there,
For just one day.
I'll show her today
I'm not a smart man
But I know what love is.
And she paints a new world everyday
And for once,
I wish it was yesterday.

A Walk To Remember

Come on down the road again,
I've got another confession to make.
We all change with the time gone by,
Everyone's got a few chains to break.

I walked into this lonely town,
I had no place else to go.
Where the sweetest voice I ever heard
Lead me through your door.

I walked until the end of time
But still I couldn't find
Someone who I could call a friend,
Someone who was mine.

Many things are lost to yesterday
Those things arenot recalled.
Tomorrow is a mystery
And it can't be solved.

With everything said and done
Lets walk toward the sinking sun.
In this low light, somehow, everything's clear
You and me under the tree, and our old friend, fear.

Let's walk till the end of our days
Through the sunshine and the winds of november.
I still can't recall your name,
But this is a walk to remember.

- Dedicated to Anjum.


You are the door
That keeps me in.
You are the light
That shines my sins.
You are the hope
That gives me wings.
I'm standing here looking at you
You're everything.
You're the voice
That knows my name.
You're the shade
That covers the shame.
How can I not be moved by you?
You're everything.
You're the road
To take me home.
You are the song
I sing alone.
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything,
Everything to me.

Walking In The Rain

Iam standing on something thats far from real
I know ive tried but i cant pretend i feel
I learned to read the signs,never knew you'd go
Iam empty now u can see me torn in two...

I've bin walking this road and I wish I knew the way
I know where u are, but I don't know what to say
Can u be oblivious to the shadows,pretend they don't surround ?
Two more steps from the edge,but I will stick around...

I've always known the difference between the right and the wrong
You're feeling scared asking my name, here I don't belong
I miss you so and the way we used to sing
I walk these streets but I regret everything...

I've heard the gods declare from up above
I only hurt the ones I love
And I choose to run when these walls are closing in
Sometimes you need some protection, the thin of the skin...

I've been walking this damn road, wish I knew the way
I should've never held your hand, you lead me astray
You were never like this, you could feel my pain
I've always said your love is shelter, and I'm walking in the rain...

Two Of A Kind

There's a sun sinking in some distant field
I watch the wounds and the scars that it didnt heal.
There's some time left to watch the sky burn
Red and orange, like the devil's sperm.

I hear you calling out from so far away
When I came close, you were left with nothing to say
I dreamt you had left my side
You flew away like the stringless kite.

The time to think what I could've been is done
It's hard to look in the mirror, watch what I've become.

Our lives weren't meant to be easy, darling
I've send my message, the winds will tell it to you...
Worthless is what money is, you should know
You gather all you can, then it's time to let it go.

What made you shine, shine like the moon?
What made you dim, all too soon?
What made you strong? What made you weak?
What made your dreams fall, right on me?

We walked this path, you and I
You made me rise, I helped you smile.
Now as we get swept away in the tides of time,
I dont feel the same, we used to be two of a kind...


Need someone to walk with me
Too tired to walk alone.
Sick of lighting candles in the wind,
For soon the light will be gone.
There's a way, far ahead
And I see it stretching on.
I said I'll hold your hand through all of this
But you were already gone.
Whenever you turn around - you say
''For every broken heart, there is a song'',
I try to sing it, and I wish
I knew it all along.
Why does everything good,
End in vain?
Behind every lovely thing,
There's been some kind of pain.
You wrote me a letter,
You wrote it so kind.
You put everything down,
That was on your mind.
I don't even know
Why you should even care,
Then leave me alone,
Standing here.
They say - ''true love is hard to find'',
And your memory lingers on.
You were only one of a kind,
But you're already gone.

Mary Jane - II

I need the escape,
I need the pain.
I need the comfort,
Can't get my mary jane...
I dare to be different,
Differ from the lies.
I dream to dream
So I can 'get a life'.
I need to feel narcissistic and shallow
Need you to be in my vein.
Need you to make me feel hollow,
I need my mary jane.
I've forgotten who I used to be,
I'm here in this room, all alone.
I need to get back to myself
Because now the past is gone.
Who made up all the rules ?
It's not something I tend to do...
I can't remember the sound of my own name,
I can't get my mary jane.

Thursday, 5 October 2006


I was okay
But was wandering,
Lost on a road,
I knew by heart.
And the path made
me be sure,
I was back to the start...
And now's the time
To think to myself
As I say goodbye
To this...
And I'll see you
On the other side.
Looking at me,
With those eyes.
Oh, how I knew
We would part...