Thursday, 30 November 2006
Wednesday, 29 November 2006
You probably want to pass a judgement before i can even start. Well
i am not giving you that chance...not today...not now....not yet...
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM????
Shouldn't i be happy?
dont you want me to be??
For once i found a woman who loves me back...so...
just back off.
Oh, does it hurt when i say that??
i dont give a shit.
u have no idea how much you have hurt me....
so i deserve this.
i so do.
she loves me back...
for once a person loves me back.
and i love her too...
so just let me be happy....
...let me dream.
when is she coming to india................???
will you have sex with her........................???
...........will you kiss her............???
is she still collecting money to meet you here.......what if she comes here??? what if you go there?????
I THINK ITS JUST AN INFATUATION.......................
BE MORE REAL.
THINK ABOUT IT.
ARE YOU MAD?????
DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN MEET HER....????
HOW IS IT GOING WITH HER....???
SO YOU ARE KINDA, GOING OUT???
ARE YOU HAPPY........???
YOU LOOK SAD TODAY...WHAT HAPPENED.....???
ARE YOU OK???
I TOLD YOU NOT TO GET TOO ATTACHED....
NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED....
I DONT WANT YOU TO GET HURT.........................................................................................
JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP MOTHERFUCKERS...I LOVE HER....PERIOD.
AND YES I WILL MEET HER....
ONE MORE QUESTION AND I AM GONNA......
OH WHATS THE USE.....
BUT WHATS THE USE...
ITS NOT LIKE URE EVEN LISTENING TO ME...
YOU JUST WANNA SAY WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY....
THEN JUST DISAPPEAR...
LEAVING YOUR VOICES IN MY HEAD....
DONT YOU KNOW HOW THEY FUCK UP MY HEAD....??
OH NOTHING CHANGES.
NOT FOR ME.
NOT FOR US.
Tuesday, 28 November 2006
12yrs...findin out everything changes...
13yrs...realizing what she went through...
14yrs...kisses a guy
15yrs...doesnt wanna go to school anymore
16yrs...cries like a baby
17yrs...meets someone she loves
Its saturday again. The clock strikes 9am. Juliana wakes up from a beautiful dream. She looks out her window and sees her neighbour's clothes which were hung out to dry, blowing in the wind. She thinks about the time when she was 11years old, and she recalls what she went through...and for once, doesnt question why she had to go through everything - she just wishes she is the last one. A faint smile stretches across her face - today is her birthday - she is 18yrs old now. This is Juliana's story. Her story is different...or, its going to be...
Sunday, 26 November 2006
Saturday, 25 November 2006
Friday, 24 November 2006
A frend of mine fantasizes about me...then he wants no1 to know...everyone thinks he is gay...then why does he need to hide it himself?...he must be, i usually think to myself...but then my mind doesnt say that...my mind and my heart are constantly fighting...i dont want no1 to win...but i wanna reach inertia...not like the state of perfection...btu the state of eternal peace and calm...but this sounds like death...ok i shud shut up now before u blow my fucking head off...but please do...i dont wanna feel no pain when i die...i dont want them to die too...i hope they dont before i do...i hope they can live each and everyday...my two scars...oh so sweet...
She flies over head
Comes down too soon
I feel her when november comes
She stays till the end of june
i stole her candles
wax on the floor
bad luck abuses and curses
she shall come back for more
i dont know where i am
i cant fly to land
as i look back on you and your grave
i can see from where i once began...
your wings broke way too soon
you said you'll gather some feathers
and you wished to fly, overhead
one day closer still, to the end...
hide and seek and pray
like the thoughts in my head
you often stray...
i can try to say goodbye,
for i dont know what i was looking for...
life spinning free as druish's whirl,
thank you for being that kind of girl...
Thursday, 23 November 2006
the hate is in my soul.
i wanna blow up this world to pieces
wanna change everything, break my mould...
you always want more,
more than u could swallow
rise up and join the dance,
there is no salvation in tomorrow...
i choose not to belong,
to anything or anyone.
still, i see the mirror,
i don't know what i have become...
i'm turning into a nobody,
taking this ship down.
burning my flag in front of you all,
drowning myself without a sound.
listen to me now,
follow me across the field.
you can pretend, just the same
but hate is the only thing that's real.
i've bled myself dry,
these words are true...
why can't you see,
i'm forsaken like you?
you know you can't feel,
it's not because i'm dumb,
time won't leave me alone,
and i've become this numb...
but oh, i love my veins,
when they're throbbing with life.
i don't need 10,000 spoons
just hand me that knife...
and i love my blood,
running down my hand.
so warm yet so cold,
i know you wouldn't understand...
she falters a lot
her steps are all wrong.
she thinks she wrote the words
to this fucked up song.
but its not her fault
its just her say.
they are the ones
that left her this way.
now she is crying to her doll
love will break her fall.
the mirror is in the skin,
the wound grows deepers & its digging in...
drowning in blood
there is some time to think
two more minutes with no hope to get by
fucking bitch, i hope she sinks...
Wednesday, 22 November 2006
crawls beneath her fingertips,so
why do you wanna wash it all away?
sometimes it feels so good to be dirty...
i wanna feel your skin and crawl within,
this velvet sheet you're using to cover everything.
why do you want to be this way?
don't you for once, wanna be dirty?
i don't want this to just get over,
what's the use in being so fucking sober?
hand me your hand, i'll fly away
pluck the rose, wanna be dirty...
they say she says i'm not the one,
once again, all my feelings go numb.
i'm like the razor, cutting your skin away,
you're the cream, smooth and dirty...
wake up and let me light the fire,
i'm burning this furnace of thirsty desire.
yeah, and all the flames go higher, up-up and away,
you're the only one who makes me this way...
Tuesday, 21 November 2006
your face keeps changing
how do i know who you are?
i don't even know who i am anymore
the mirror broke into a million pieces,
just like my shattered heart.
i say i'm right when you
know i'm wrong.
so empty just like the
empty words in this empty song.
and now you're telling me,
you don't know where it is that you belong...
this echo isn't doing me no good,
i've used my words, i've used my blood.
i've shed my feelings, shed my clothes,
miss you and i miss your touch...
but oh, these walls are real,
so is the pain - so good.
only i hear my voice in this fucking room,
and you are - just an illusion.
Monday, 20 November 2006
i look in the mirror in vain,
and not recognize what i've become...
i play with her hair,
i play with her clothes,
shiny blue eyes, painted red smile,
couldn't have her even though i wanted more...
let me press the buttons...
let me hear your calls...
come on down and play with me,
all alone again, we'll take the fall...
i'm alone in my room,
the walls are all red,
clueless once again, lonely as my mind...
falling in this black gloom,
i'd rather be dead,
but i lie once again, tell 'em i'm fine...
Saturday, 18 November 2006
she's been through hell,
the thorns are in her side.
but she wont tell,
she knows how to hide...
daddy loved her too much,
and mommy didnt care,
all alone in her room now,
broken dreams got her there...
blood is on the walls
blood is on the bed
escaping thoughts and reasons to be alone
another one's dead.
leave her alone
cold hard bitch
the thorns dig deeper into the flesh,
but she knows how to hide...
play her game
end like the rest
before you know it
everything is just a test
they say she is beautiful,
i dont see the same.
i see clearly when i close my eyes,
she's the one to blame...
i wanna see you naked,
in your body and your thought,
lay down like a peace of dead wood,l
ike my god-damn wooden heart...
crawl with you into yesterdays
i see myself fading away
i wonder why i came here
now i feel like i can stay...
Sunday, 12 November 2006
but you can never be real.
you used them all, the faces that you have,
now you always look the same.
think i loved you once, but i was wrong
still i was always teh one who was blamed.
everything that we have loved is lost
everything must end vain
this is my turn so let me walk away
need to feel something else than pain
so pretty and white
thats just one of my names
my eyes are open wide for the truth
never knew this life wasnt just a game.
whats one to say
when five chairs become four?
there is no safety in numbers
when loved ones walk out of the door...
and i'll do anything
just to make you hear me out
you and your fucked up rules
faithless, without a doubt
the stories are many
as far as i can tell
and you're not the only one
living inside this hell
maybe you're lost
confused for sure
i'm standing and staring at your porch
please come out through the open door.
Tuesday, 7 November 2006
She emerges from the chaos like poetry in motion and grabs my hand...we start to run...away from the chaos, away from the people, away from their voices, away from the screams, away from it all...hand in hand...just the two of us...that wasnt the part of the plan...but i like the route this one's taking...
Then suddenly, the chaos vanishes...the world finds peace again...the ground shakes no more...the dust that was rising from the earth settles down with immense speed...i dont even notice it...but i can smell it like yesterdays in my head.
Then they are calling out my name...and hers too. We shudn't be seen together...''they don't want us to be together''...i get the feeling instilled in my head...it maybe true also...Their voices and warnings for me to come out grow stronger...I can feel them closing in on us with each step they take...as if they knew, but they find this thought sadistically ravishing that we dont want them to think where we are hiding till they finally pounce on us, as they knew all along...
I can't take it anymore...and without even telling her, I start to rise to greet my fate...let them do what they want to with me, I don't care...I can't play this game anymore...I get up and as soon as I take my first step to come out of my hiding, I feel her cold hand tightening around my wrist...''Come here'', she says...we come close, our faces almost touching, our breaths colliding with each other like the winds and the waves in a violent storm...we kiss with our eyes closed and leave the world behind in that one intense moment....I can finally feel her like I wanted to...her heart beating loudly in the warm womb of her chest, almost ready to jump out...I wish I could just freeze this moment...
My eyes open...the world is a blur...the lights are too strong...and there are no magical exits, no secret doors in reality...and that's when I come to realize that it was all just a dream...damn! I guess that's why they call them that...''dreams''...when you wake up, they are gone...
Thursday, 2 November 2006
a destiny is chosen
the path proceeds
the dangers forewarned
but still, hope recedes
the empty table with me in the centre
spotlights on the chosen one
hard to avoid hungry gazes
and the mirror to see what i'll become
it's hard to be like my father
it's hard to make my brother understand
need someone to lift me from these shadows
sometimes all you need, is a helping hand...
abuses and curses, insults and fights
in our souls, dims a fading light
why cant you take me as i am
and set me free...?
is it your love or hollow hopes
that one day i'll become
what you couldn't be...?
it's hard to be like my father
it's hard to make my mother understand
it's hard to be like my uncle
you cant always ''be a man''...