Ordinary day-II

I'm not really a happy person...not that iam sad all the time but its just that maybe people dont know who i really am and thats what sometimes kills me...actually, sometimes I feel I don't even know myself..but I bet everyone's been there...

As far as ive known it...i usually get up in the morning and go...''Oh no, another bad day...''

I waste too much time on the things i dont need...i wish for the things i can do pretty well without...i am not good at anything except writing poems...iam just ok at playing guitar, drawing/painting, acting,etc...and that kills me sometimes...''I should be good at other things too''...I usually say that to myself atleast once a day....

Then my college life could be better too...I am in Khalsa(Delhi University)...and yes, you would be right if you said that its not by choice that Iam in this shit pit...its due to the shortage of it....but then i can also say Iam beginning to like it here and Iam also beginning to see through the shortcomings of all the so called 'big colleges' of north campus such as hindu and stephens, but lets not go there...thats not a road seldom travelled, but often...even though it's forbidden...

Yesterday i saw a movie that talks about the importance of saying (and telling) the truth in life...(Lage Raho Munnabhai) and also about resolving matters with your head, without violence and extreme force or even without raising your hands...but then again I feel that raising your voice doesnt really help in every case and everywhere...sure, it can help you get respect, but then again...it can take away what little dignity and self-worth you have, too...

There are many sides to my life...the way i live it and the way i wnt to live it...there's a person in me that wants to shout out about all the wrongs done to me and various other people in life...but then there's another person in me that sometimes just doesnt want to meddle just for the heck of proving yourself in front of others...I dont know what to do in most situations in my life..I dont know how to react...the truth is nothing in this life is simply black or white...no one's can simply be labelled as 'good' or 'bad'...eveyone has their sides too...everything is mixed up...everything's gray...and I don't know who is right or wrong anymore...not that it matters, but still...I just dont know where to go...who to go to...who should be followed or who should be lead...i just dont know anymore...

This is the current dilemma of my life these days...perhaps i should, for once, just stop analysing what people mean when they say something, perhaps i should be oblivious to the things written between the lines and i should stop trying to decipher what everything means in life, perhaps i should ignore the writing on the wall...but its hard to change who i am at the end of the day...these things might help me in the long run...perhaps what i should really do is live my life and just go on...and not think about what tomorrow might bring...