The Affair

She touches her lips softly and like she never did before each day before going to sleep. She can't escape the thoughts in her head, they whisper to her...she tries to hush the dirty thoughts away...She tries to close her eyes but she sees his face more clearly, smiling now...She tries to shut out the noise of him breathing slowly beside her, but the noise only grows louder and louder...just like her screams...

She plays with her hair just like he does while she is at work and abrubptly stops when she finds a co-worker staring at her. She smiles to herself when she is going back home in the cab. That smiles fades away when her security gaurd greets her with a ''good-evening'' when she gets off the cab. She seems to think that he can delve inside her mind and find out who she is thinking about...then he will tell everyone about her...she doesn't want anyone to know, obviously.

As far as she can tell...she has had an unsatisfactory life...kids were never fair to her at school...they made fun of her and called her names. Her parents too, never seemed to understand what's best for their only daughter...she fell in love with an asshole whose name she can't remember...he left her for someone else...her story is just like everyone else...well, almost everyone else. But unlike everyone else, she uses her past to justify her present actions. She feels guity and dangerous, but satisfied at the same time...she is scared, but she knows she is willing to take any step in order to save herself, her secrest are safe with her...she feels passionate, just like she did in her school days....the only difference now is that her innocence is lost now, forever...

She turns over from her dreams...the ones she is so glad to be living now...the one she is so glad to be a part of...and turns to her nightmare...looking at the hairy shoulder of her husband sleeping with his back turned towards her brings her back to reality. She is not safe. She cannot go on like this forever. She must do something. She feels guilty. But she doesnt deserve him, she deserves someone better...''Oh god, where have I landed myself...?'', she thinks to herself.

''Oh god...is this the rest of my life...?''