I am

You're powerless. No. You really are. You can try to be like everyone else you can't be but you know you can never change, for you just don't have it in you...not like you never did, and the little that you DID have, well, my boy, you're losing it now...and you're losing yourself with it...stop trying to speak cuz your lips are sealed. Stop trying to scream cuz you're not allowed to. Stop trying to say the truth cuz it doesnt help, stop trying to lie cuz it doesnt lead you anywhere...and people, well they are a funny lot...they see things you don't see (or maybe you don't want to) they hear things you can't...

Marx was wrong...there are three classes...the haves, the have nots, and in recent times...there is a new one which has emerged, that can be called the have ''what'nots''....they have everything, and everyone wants to be like them by following their every move...they can be like you anytime they want to be but they wouldn't even try that cuz then they will lose their followers...capitalism is here to stay,Marx is dead and gone...he won't return...the people never liked him, and he died for them. These things take courage, that's exactly what i need, and I know that's exactly what i don't have.

I don't know why it's illegal to kill yourself...like i said, the world is a funny place. They try to kill you everyday, enforce their laws upon you, make you bow down to everything they have created, make you follow the rules that you dont want to, make you see, hear smell touch the things that you rather not smell hear see or touch.Its all a sham, its all a farce...just like me and my words right now that dont mean anything...but i do ask, dont we die everyday when they dont really tell how and dont we live all the more when we really know how we're dying? There are reasons to everything I cant understand...there are situations i cant contemplate...there are people I am losing touch with and still, getting to know.

They tell me the time is now. I keep on thinking it has passed me by. Maybe Iam still waiting for that moment of truth...epiphany...I told a girl who hurt me that she needs it real badly...but no, I need it more than her...I need it now...I am not one of the have 'what nots'...I cant be what i want to be when i dont want to be myself anymore, though that is temporary but its a quality i dont possess, its a gift i dont have...is it necessary, you say? Very, my love, very.

Iam losing myself...becoming nothing again...maybe its all a scam to get your attention like the media these days...but its not just me who maybe lying now, is it?Evryone lies but no one tries to find the truth, a way outta things, the light at the end of the tunnel is fading...but fuck it all cuz I aint hopeless, sometimes i just need to get it outta my head and since that helps, dont plow me down for doing this...this is me...what am i, you ask? Good question...i will tell you when I am ready.



I am.