I am

You're powerless. No. You really are. You can try to be like everyone else you can't be but you know you can never change, for you just don't have it in you...not like you never did, and the little that you DID have, well, my boy, you're losing it now...and you're losing yourself with it...stop trying to speak cuz your lips are sealed. Stop trying to scream cuz you're not allowed to. Stop trying to say the truth cuz it doesnt help, stop trying to lie cuz it doesnt lead you anywhere...and people, well they are a funny lot...they see things you don't see (or maybe you don't want to) they hear things you can't...

Marx was wrong...there are three classes...the haves, the have nots, and in recent times...there is a new one which has emerged, that can be called the have ''what'nots''....they have everything, and everyone wants to be like them by following their every move...they can be like you anytime they want to be but they wouldn't even try that cuz then they will lose their followers...capitalism is here to stay,Marx is dead and gone...he won't return...the people never liked him, and he died for them. These things take courage, that's exactly what i need, and I know that's exactly what i don't have.

I don't know why it's illegal to kill yourself...like i said, the world is a funny place. They try to kill you everyday, enforce their laws upon you, make you bow down to everything they have created, make you follow the rules that you dont want to, make you see, hear smell touch the things that you rather not smell hear see or touch.Its all a sham, its all a farce...just like me and my words right now that dont mean anything...but i do ask, dont we die everyday when they dont really tell how and dont we live all the more when we really know how we're dying? There are reasons to everything I cant understand...there are situations i cant contemplate...there are people I am losing touch with and still, getting to know.

They tell me the time is now. I keep on thinking it has passed me by. Maybe Iam still waiting for that moment of truth...epiphany...I told a girl who hurt me that she needs it real badly...but no, I need it more than her...I need it now...I am not one of the have 'what nots'...I cant be what i want to be when i dont want to be myself anymore, though that is temporary but its a quality i dont possess, its a gift i dont have...is it necessary, you say? Very, my love, very.

Iam losing myself...becoming nothing again...maybe its all a scam to get your attention like the media these days...but its not just me who maybe lying now, is it?Evryone lies but no one tries to find the truth, a way outta things, the light at the end of the tunnel is fading...but fuck it all cuz I aint hopeless, sometimes i just need to get it outta my head and since that helps, dont plow me down for doing this...this is me...what am i, you ask? Good question...i will tell you when I am ready.



I am.

Shelter March

Don't look for cracks in the wall,

I know the light is shining through bright,

Brighter than any other day.

The wars are never over,

And the good guys always lose.

You know how the people are lead astray.

Humans are sold and bought again,

Never allowed to be free.

War torn lands, but start again,

Make me a refugee.

The sea is endless, the sky so vast,

The way is never shown.

And as I gaze across the mast,

I'm just a name in the unknown.

The wars are won and fought again,

Everyone is too blind to see.

The white dove is sold and caught again,

Just like the refugee.

A Girl Called Bombay

So softly, she slid into my hand,

All alone again, across the line.

She lifts her head to show me the land,

And I leave it there, a masterpiece unsigned.

I met a girl in Bombay.

She told me a lie.

She smiled through her teeth,

But when I turned away, she cried.

She told me her story,

The one I’ve heard before.

Tell me again boy,

‘What is it we’re fighting for?’

I never had the answer,

Too caught up in my own.

I laughed at her dry,

When she carved through her bone.

Pretty faces scare me,

I hide from the sun.

I don’t know who you are anymore,

Or what I’ve become.

Maybe its avarice, my only shame.

Maybe its you, the one I should blame.

Maybe it’s me like it’s always been,

Maybe I’ve finally become a name.

White skin so cold with flowers in her hair,

Like a long lost soldier losing sense of time.

I leave her be in her own world,

Frozen and broken, like a masterpiece unsigned.

So take me down this sad lonely town,

The one that don’t feel mine.

Take me up up and away, far into the sun,

I’ll grow some wings, begin to shine.

Lights go down and they look so pretty,

The one I could never be.

Hide me from my followers, and

Wake with someone by my side.

She never looks before she laughs,

‘I look ugly in a photograph.’

There’s a thing somewhere trapped inside,

The camera can’t see.

Tears she cried that were in vain.

Flowing down tonight with the rain.

I could try to be like you again,

But look in the mirror; you’ll only see me.

I left her there, couldn’t bring her back,

Even if I wanted, for one last time.

Bombay - the city of crumbling walls and dreams,

Like a masterpiece unsigned.

Layla

I see the light in black and white
I’ve become a name.
How do you laugh in a photograph?
Like you always been.

Leave me be the way I am,
Got your songs in my head.
I don’t care where we go,
As long as we’re walking…

Tracing sweat drops down your spine,
Faint smile across your face.
Lines of mascara in your eyes,
Keeping poets at bay.

I hear them calling from afar,
They’re calling out your name.
Lady, you’ve been balanced,
I’m still the same.

Don’t know how to get this through,
For once, I don’t know what to say.
I’m running down the street, looking for answers,
Losing my mind, might just be the only way.

No one tries to close my eyes,
Nothing can do me in tonight.
You’re anything anyone could ever want,
But I’m not like you, I’m not the kind.

Midnight Monologue

Wrote this one with Shraddha...mwah!Love ya dear!

Gazes,confused,she shivers tonight,

cold full moon on a blue sky torn.

tiny ledge,the most romantic place,

tears,shes sitting there all alone.

Head in her knees,wet little dress,

she cries of a home that never was hers,

of the child she could not make smile,

of a body so ugly covered with scars.

Music in her head,shes dancing on the edge

hips swinging slowly to beats she cant understand.

Lips quiver,longing for something to hold,

face awaits the touch of soft smooth hands.

Breathes in,rubs her hand along her neck,

she wishes someone could bite the pain away.

heart longs for a love she never might find,

sings for him,with nothing to say...

alone, cold, he's out of sight

like her in his head, so long gone.

lights a candle, then douse the flames,

when the children of tomorrow are born.

scars on her face, scabs on his hands

try to cut me open when she could not understand.

this distance that kills, this speed that haunts,

between just a mystery of a woman and a man.

rain is falling, dark and slow

the things inside your head, i'll never know.

shrouded in darkness, my lonely heart,

no one sings like you anymore.

And if you're not going my way,

I hope you come around and stay.

And this house may never make a home,

The world leaves us astray, but we're not alone.

Daylight

As this morning light pierces through my skin,

I lie naked and hollow, waiting for the world to begin.

Not my time, so pull me apart,

I've been waiting for the end, I don't know how to start...

You said you were just like me,
Frozen and broken and never free.
When the world wounds you with a battle scar,
You put it out for everyone to see.

Disappointed, as you shed your skin,
Never look behind when you walk this far.
Funny how I lost myself in you,
Now I don't know who we are.

Stabbing Of A Drama Queen

You mend, break so easy,
Sometimes, I could fall.
Your sins, beg to differ,
When I heed your call...

And you crawl right through the floor,
Of vacant spaces in my head.
Can't lie, so I'm bound to watch,
All the times that you play dead.


Being your worthy patron, my faults I know,
Forsake the things I should have said.
Take all your lies and your tears,
No tricks this time, but I'll disappear.


Cry in vain and they tear you apart,
Said you like the pain, now look where you are.
Twisting and turning like the thoughts in my head,
No one said a word when I stabbed the drama queen dead.

End Over End

As far as I've known it, I've always seen the end...I could always contemplate the end better than my peers. I could always see how things in my life would come to an end,and the various reasons people would give afterwords...be it in a relationshipor anything else...I could somehow always tell of the things to come...but as I've grown older in years as time served on this earth, I've come to realize that with somethings, you just can't tell. You can never know how things would shape up in the near future...and its at that precise moment that you realize that nothing in this life is certain, you never know if the truth will set you free or end up captivating you. Sometimes it's good to let things be and the way they are and let it all work out as the time passes by...I dunno where Iam going with this...its already beginning to eat me up. Not the way I had imagined it...atleast in a different dream...but this is way better than anything else, unplugged...one of those great reminders reassuring me again that I've lost my sense of contemplating things...even if I haven't, they ain't as good as they used to be...for the world isn't certain anymore.

Promethea

Now I take thee name as I lay dying,

Bound to rocks and plagued by birds.

Rapture beckons, from way too far,

You're the words made flesh that made fleash into words.

Forsake me father,
Martyr me dead.
Sour a world with alchemy,
Turn gold back into lead.

And your bones are hollowed by heresy,
Still, hallowed be thy name.
Shadows chasing me across the ravine,
Now I open my arms wide at your pearly gates.

Down in the valley of gods,
Right there is where I choose to run.
I'm out of sight, yet in your mind,
My tale is in the world of substance spun.

I'm the child who stands,
Between the earth and insubstantial air.
A thought that treads your rain swept lands,
Mortals seek me, their skin I wear.

A virgin fable stooped to gloom,
Pure light of the mind, across the moon.
But the story's done, it has had it's day,
I'm but a mould of the human clay.

Iam Promethea, the rumoured one,
Angels whisper my name.
The voice left alone, once all is done,
I'm a dream that waking does not end.

Rache Elixir

Trapped in a hexagram, twisting

You see me bend my shape and fill your cup.

It's enduring, this pain, when I know,

All you've ever tasted is my blood.

I don't seek your comfort,

The creature that's in me will only destroy.

Don't try to hide in the corner of my eye,

I know all your demons and the tricks you employ.

I've burned long enough on the cross you made,

Raised me on a pedestal and brought me down.

Now all you'll ever hear is my hollow laugh,

Through endless nights and days to come.

Down the roads you lead me astray,

Your blood shall run the same.

You may not recall who I am,

When I'm done with you, you'll know my name.

Tears For Layla

The smoke from the cigarette escaped his lips. Again. He was sitting by the balcony door watching it rise by the side and escape from the edge. He had a weird dream last night and he still could not figure out why he had woken up crying from it. As he recalled, he had dreamt of kissing a girl-nay, a beautiful girl. He had had the dream before but he had never woken up like that from it. When he told his friends, they'd said that probably if he had talked to them at that time, he would have told them...but obviously, they did not know that he wanted to call someone, anyone and tell him/her why he had cried...it's just that people don't take someone calling them at 4am lightly...that too, for a dream.

He looked outside and saw the sun shining brighter than it had shone yesterday. The smoke rose and got lost in the air, too thin and light to be seen, lost like the reasons and answers in his head. He remembered her voice clearly, it was beautiful and it broke all the silence that surrounds for all eternity.

Lost

No, you're not to be blamed.

Must be the time - never on my side.

Been waging this war way too long,

It's never been my time.

I'm like everything,

You've ever left behind.

Run or hide, walk or crawl,

You know I'm always on your mind.

The bridges burning down,

Look away and swallow your tears.

The only thing that hurts, love

Is that I'll be right here.

- a song for lost friends.

Bring You Down

Crazy child, with your back against the wall,
Running wild, I'd rather have you crawl.
When I'm lost, it's hard to find me there,
When I get high, you're everywhere.

So don't follow me now,
Never turn around.
Promises broken,
Now I bring you down.

Find me smeared across the page,
Hide me, for I'm lost and I'm dazed.
Haunt me, douse me in your flames,
Losing my mind, for just another day.

The earth is gonna swallow you, now
Your walls are breaking sound.
Promises broken,
Now I bring your down.

The Shade

Spend the night shaping a smile,
On the rooftops of down below.
Gaze through the stars – stared at the moon
I missed you more than you could know.

Where were you when brothers surrounded me?
Yours is a face that gets me high.
I know I’m a wreck and I’ve come undone,
But at least I found a reason to smile.

Miracles forgotten like the words in my head,
Future’s wasted, I’m a selfish son.
Will you like me with my new face?
I’m a thing of shapes to come.

When it’s over we sing our song,
Fucking sober, you don’t belong,
Between ten inches of shade that I stole from this pain,
You run and hide, you can’t take the rain.

Ofelia’s Dream

Been dreaming of far away,
Somewhere I haven’t been.
Of parched lands with wishing wells,
And birds with no sky to be seen.

Of hollow roots and trees with shade,
Where autumn brings leaves of blades.
Of broken cups with sounds within,
Flowing water like the devil’s sin.

Of walls with cracks and hanging ropes
Rooms with mirrors and shattered hopes.
A man with wires who went insane,
A girl with sparrows and poison in my veins.

Of bodies in motion, where hearts collide,
Then I surrender, my sweet decline.
And as I ponder, seek your touch,
Your whispers tell me you’ve had enough.

Of a thousand screams and fingers pointed to the sky,
A bird or a plane, or a memory that died?
Of creatures like vermin that stand in my way,
Of walking the roads that lead me astray.

Or of a mountain, white and wrapped in snow
Just like my muse with her velvet glow.
Is it a sign of things to come?
Of the things in my head I’ll never know…

Light that shines and smiling eyes,
Of trophies earned and wasted tries.
Of looking back as I take the fall,
Of flying high when I’d rather crawl.

Of love and shelter from the rain,
And kites that fly with no strings.
Of a song that don’t rhyme but brings me pain,
So let me dream with eyes wide open.

Roads

Lights and shadows,
Just like my peers,
Some keep shining,
The others disappear.

The roads we’ve been down before,
Well they had no names.
We always chose the shiny ones,
And we never were the same.

You said you can’t take this town
But you’re always on my mind.
You asked me to follow you
But you walked right behind.

In a world of magnets and mirrors,
Shining like the sun.
I met you not so long ago
And I was in a word, overrun.

Now you walk on the other side
You should see my face,
Still the same, ripped and torn
And a little out of place.

These lights that shine down my hollow spine,
Cold and yellow, piercing through.
All the thing I wish I had for me,
Now I wish them all for you.

Songs we can’t sing with words that don’t rhyme,
Clocks ticking forever and I know it’s not my time.
Sometimes I got to let you be down these roads you choose to stray,
That’s why I won’t stop you now as you’re walking away.

- For Abua

1974

Give me back my sweet rosey nights,
Give me back my tunes.
Lend me your ears and your eyes
Follow me to the moon.

Give me back my symphony crass
Give me back my soul.
Give me that low down and dirty jazz,
Just like you did before.

Give me that light and that eerie smoke,
It’s not yet time for your crack and your porn.
So keep all your magic eight balls and your ecstasy
But take a pill to kill the unborn.

So give me back my flowers,
And take away their guns.
Spin me around in a merry-go-round,
Back in the days, that was fun.

Give me back my dancing shoes,
Give me back my fancy clothes,
I want to have long hair again
Just like we did in 1974.

The Touch

Build these hands that weigh too much,
I’ve forgotten your razor touch.
The way your mouth hangs dry when I come around,
Look into your hollow eyes but I hear no sound.

So what do we do now?
Where do we go from here?
Down these roads that you walk alone,
I’m still haunted by your worst fears.

You laugh again in your empty stairs,
I stare all I can you’re never there.
This song don’t mean a thing,
It’s the only one I know.

I’m ugly when I’m naked,
And I’ve so tried to take it.
But all they do is surround me,
Laugh with pointed fingers around me.

Promises that I forget I made,
They’re the only ones I keep.
Dusk and dawn, just another day,
But now I guess I’ll sleep.

Teachers

Met a woman long ago,
Pushed me into a corner-told me to be still.
The way she looked, like when swords are drawn.
Glass sticking to our skin.

Eyes all around me,
Doors that halt my way.
Closing in these cold red walls,
You left me with nothing to say.

When I hear your cries in vain
What’s a boy to do?
It’s hard to keep running away
Or stand by the road and wait for you.

Oh and it’s been so hard,
Lately you got myself talking to me.
When you know you’ve lived inside a cage,
I know I can never be free.

It’s way too long,
From the distance to here.
Still searching where we belong,
You thoughts and mine just disappear.

So I got to watch you drift silently,
Sliding through this hole in my head.
A prick of a rose to remember you by,
This void makes it worse all this noise inside the quiet.

She drew a line today, and,
Glasses shatter when hearts collide.
All the scars that you gave me,
I treasure them dearer than my life.

Dark

Beneath a set of flickering lights,
I search for answers as shadows cross my lonely room.
Sometimes I’m high, sometimes I crawl
Lose myself in this lonely gloom.

Words on the wall, and numbers too,
Drowning in the thoughts of you.
Pins and needles, a hexagram
You can try but you’ll never understand.

Pictures, scissors, cutting away
Same story every year, day after day.
Yellow light and butterflies
There it comes back again.