Silence

They say there is nothing like silence.

You can get a feeling of it in outer space. It has no limit. It’s just as vast, as dense, and as coarse as the space. But it’s not the same here on earth.

When I step out in my balcony at night carrying things in my head that no one else knows, I am silent…but I am slowly observing the travesty of life unfolding or watching myself unreel. All I know is that at that precise moment, at just that time in my life, I am mine. And nobody could take that away from me even if they wanted to.

I hear things that are far out in the distance. Cars honking away at the traffic. Kids playing, running around and screaming in the streets. The slow hum of the fan in my neighbour’s living room. Another neighbour of mine yelling curses at his wife, shortly followed by the sound of plates crashing down. I see a dog scratching himself under my balcony, I still don’t have a name for him but I feed him everyday. I like that dog.

Then there are the things I don’t see but I know that they are happening. I know the sun is rising in Brazil…or is going to. I know that people are probably watching their favourite soap right now on the tube and that’s why they aren’t out in the balcony to see the perfect shape of the moon and to gaze at the stars like me. I know that right now at this moment, someone is thinking of me…or I hope they are. I know that my maid is probably getting beaten by her husband. Someone’s mom is yelling at her kid for not doing his or her homework. Someone is dying. Someone is finding a reason to live. Someone is looking to the sky just like me at this instant…but for the final time before he jumps off the balcony. A child is dying. A mother is giving birth, she couldn’t be happier.

And I know there is a father who is walking out of his young teenage daughter’s room and is saying to her ‘if you tell this to your mother, you know what will happen to you…’ She is all alone now. Trying to understand what happened…but her young mind couldn’t seem to fully grasp the horror she has just been through. She hugs the pillow tightly.

I feel like I belong somewhere else, far away from here. I look to the sky feeling like this town is not mine anymore.

There is no such thing as silence.