Tears For Layla

The smoke from the cigarette escaped his lips. Again. He was sitting by the balcony door watching it rise by the side and escape from the edge. He had a weird dream last night and he still could not figure out why he had woken up crying from it. As he recalled, he had dreamt of kissing a girl-nay, a beautiful girl. He had had the dream before but he had never woken up like that from it. When he told his friends, they'd said that probably if he had talked to them at that time, he would have told them...but obviously, they did not know that he wanted to call someone, anyone and tell him/her why he had cried...it's just that people don't take someone calling them at 4am lightly...that too, for a dream.

He looked outside and saw the sun shining brighter than it had shone yesterday. The smoke rose and got lost in the air, too thin and light to be seen, lost like the reasons and answers in his head. He remembered her voice clearly, it was beautiful and it broke all the silence that surrounds for all eternity.

Lost

No, you're not to be blamed.

Must be the time - never on my side.

Been waging this war way too long,

It's never been my time.

I'm like everything,

You've ever left behind.

Run or hide, walk or crawl,

You know I'm always on your mind.

The bridges burning down,

Look away and swallow your tears.

The only thing that hurts, love

Is that I'll be right here.

- a song for lost friends.

Bring You Down

Crazy child, with your back against the wall,
Running wild, I'd rather have you crawl.
When I'm lost, it's hard to find me there,
When I get high, you're everywhere.

So don't follow me now,
Never turn around.
Promises broken,
Now I bring you down.

Find me smeared across the page,
Hide me, for I'm lost and I'm dazed.
Haunt me, douse me in your flames,
Losing my mind, for just another day.

The earth is gonna swallow you, now
Your walls are breaking sound.
Promises broken,
Now I bring your down.

The Shade

Spend the night shaping a smile,
On the rooftops of down below.
Gaze through the stars – stared at the moon
I missed you more than you could know.

Where were you when brothers surrounded me?
Yours is a face that gets me high.
I know I’m a wreck and I’ve come undone,
But at least I found a reason to smile.

Miracles forgotten like the words in my head,
Future’s wasted, I’m a selfish son.
Will you like me with my new face?
I’m a thing of shapes to come.

When it’s over we sing our song,
Fucking sober, you don’t belong,
Between ten inches of shade that I stole from this pain,
You run and hide, you can’t take the rain.

Ofelia’s Dream

Been dreaming of far away,
Somewhere I haven’t been.
Of parched lands with wishing wells,
And birds with no sky to be seen.

Of hollow roots and trees with shade,
Where autumn brings leaves of blades.
Of broken cups with sounds within,
Flowing water like the devil’s sin.

Of walls with cracks and hanging ropes
Rooms with mirrors and shattered hopes.
A man with wires who went insane,
A girl with sparrows and poison in my veins.

Of bodies in motion, where hearts collide,
Then I surrender, my sweet decline.
And as I ponder, seek your touch,
Your whispers tell me you’ve had enough.

Of a thousand screams and fingers pointed to the sky,
A bird or a plane, or a memory that died?
Of creatures like vermin that stand in my way,
Of walking the roads that lead me astray.

Or of a mountain, white and wrapped in snow
Just like my muse with her velvet glow.
Is it a sign of things to come?
Of the things in my head I’ll never know…

Light that shines and smiling eyes,
Of trophies earned and wasted tries.
Of looking back as I take the fall,
Of flying high when I’d rather crawl.

Of love and shelter from the rain,
And kites that fly with no strings.
Of a song that don’t rhyme but brings me pain,
So let me dream with eyes wide open.

Roads

Lights and shadows,
Just like my peers,
Some keep shining,
The others disappear.

The roads we’ve been down before,
Well they had no names.
We always chose the shiny ones,
And we never were the same.

You said you can’t take this town
But you’re always on my mind.
You asked me to follow you
But you walked right behind.

In a world of magnets and mirrors,
Shining like the sun.
I met you not so long ago
And I was in a word, overrun.

Now you walk on the other side
You should see my face,
Still the same, ripped and torn
And a little out of place.

These lights that shine down my hollow spine,
Cold and yellow, piercing through.
All the thing I wish I had for me,
Now I wish them all for you.

Songs we can’t sing with words that don’t rhyme,
Clocks ticking forever and I know it’s not my time.
Sometimes I got to let you be down these roads you choose to stray,
That’s why I won’t stop you now as you’re walking away.

- For Abua

1974

Give me back my sweet rosey nights,
Give me back my tunes.
Lend me your ears and your eyes
Follow me to the moon.

Give me back my symphony crass
Give me back my soul.
Give me that low down and dirty jazz,
Just like you did before.

Give me that light and that eerie smoke,
It’s not yet time for your crack and your porn.
So keep all your magic eight balls and your ecstasy
But take a pill to kill the unborn.

So give me back my flowers,
And take away their guns.
Spin me around in a merry-go-round,
Back in the days, that was fun.

Give me back my dancing shoes,
Give me back my fancy clothes,
I want to have long hair again
Just like we did in 1974.

The Touch

Build these hands that weigh too much,
I’ve forgotten your razor touch.
The way your mouth hangs dry when I come around,
Look into your hollow eyes but I hear no sound.

So what do we do now?
Where do we go from here?
Down these roads that you walk alone,
I’m still haunted by your worst fears.

You laugh again in your empty stairs,
I stare all I can you’re never there.
This song don’t mean a thing,
It’s the only one I know.

I’m ugly when I’m naked,
And I’ve so tried to take it.
But all they do is surround me,
Laugh with pointed fingers around me.

Promises that I forget I made,
They’re the only ones I keep.
Dusk and dawn, just another day,
But now I guess I’ll sleep.

Teachers

Met a woman long ago,
Pushed me into a corner-told me to be still.
The way she looked, like when swords are drawn.
Glass sticking to our skin.

Eyes all around me,
Doors that halt my way.
Closing in these cold red walls,
You left me with nothing to say.

When I hear your cries in vain
What’s a boy to do?
It’s hard to keep running away
Or stand by the road and wait for you.

Oh and it’s been so hard,
Lately you got myself talking to me.
When you know you’ve lived inside a cage,
I know I can never be free.

It’s way too long,
From the distance to here.
Still searching where we belong,
You thoughts and mine just disappear.

So I got to watch you drift silently,
Sliding through this hole in my head.
A prick of a rose to remember you by,
This void makes it worse all this noise inside the quiet.

She drew a line today, and,
Glasses shatter when hearts collide.
All the scars that you gave me,
I treasure them dearer than my life.

Dark

Beneath a set of flickering lights,
I search for answers as shadows cross my lonely room.
Sometimes I’m high, sometimes I crawl
Lose myself in this lonely gloom.

Words on the wall, and numbers too,
Drowning in the thoughts of you.
Pins and needles, a hexagram
You can try but you’ll never understand.

Pictures, scissors, cutting away
Same story every year, day after day.
Yellow light and butterflies
There it comes back again.

About A Boy

Don’t stare and look at me with those eyes
The creature that’s in me will only destroy.
Not your hero, not here to save.
Bury me deep, sleep upon my grave.

I am a liar, forgetting everything you’re not
You’re mocking me, but you’re all I got.
Holding on to my hand, feeding off this bone
When I cry, you leave me alone.

I hate it when she calls me a child,
There’s a difference between me and a man.
I like it when horses run wild,
I hate it when they don’t understand.

There’s a thunder coming down tonight,
But I can see no rain.
I know they want what they don’t need,
But who am I to complain?

Riding the wave, not wary of the tide.
The boy that’s in me will only destroy.
Not your savior, still you put me on a cross,
Don’t mock me like you always do, love
You know I’m all that you got.

Lost Letters

''u dont belive me wen i say too softly...u never listen wen i dont say at all''

oh how things change...they always will...funny,i miss ya...i sound drunk maybe i am maybe im not...maybe i always bin...but this is beautiful,,,always been...i miss u now...the way u used to smile in pictures...today and now...now or never..i wish u wud stay...i wish i cud make u...but yet again,aazar had been wasting time...or so it seems...

u just be happy...i will be too...u know its all like a letter...it will never get there...u wud never get here...but i am happy if ure happy wherever u are...keep smiling...dont quit smokin if u dont wanna...dont if it makes u happy...u die more everyday anyway..we all do...we live wen we know about it all...

i miss u now and the way u used to sing...now i know u wont...this is crazy...doesnt make any sense now does it?But it duz...could we have gone another day other than any other way,,,??i dont know i dont know...

all i know is that ure happy wen ure nto alone so dont be

taht way..i wann see u smile and walk thru the graveyard and yet...feel alive...i am just a boy...ure not just a girl...ure something else...ure evrything anyone could ever want...im wide awake at this hour i could go on and on about the time to come but u'd rather hav it unreel and let someone else complete the story for ya...i will just leave it this way for aazar cant do a thing about things he really cares about things that he feels and things he wished he were...u were right..it will go away too fast...but the taste still remains...bitter and sweet at the same time in my mouth like a ciggy butt...wich is ur brand?watever it is it goes up in smoke does it mean anything?does it kill ?hurt?decay?

at times iam thnking we are like a birthday cake they light up,cut apart,consume and forget...oh well,,aint everyone the same?oh how we wish we were...how i wishi was...i shidnt hav slipped into this..this skin is too tight..im at a loss for comfort...i cant give none and i wont take it away either...love.........

Fool's Song

Fools justifying paradise
Like the things she never said
The things she would never feel
Well, it’s all in my head.

Moving on, home is far
Playing with my eyes open wide.
Losing sleep, Counting sheep
The rest is just surprise.

Take what is yours and I will make it mine
You let go of it all, just give me your time.
I’ll be the shade, one that helps u hide.

Who do you wanna be?

I’m a fool…
And I want to be this way.

Mocking Bird

Indifference, what you see is what you get
Before you end up in regret.
I am at one, though I often lie
I’ll take a chance, see me try.

Mock me like you always do
Please save me from myself.
For all you know, in the end
I cannot be somebody else.

My world spins another circle
And I watch the rising sun.
I think off all the things I’ve left behind
When I tasted sorrow on my tongue.

Mock me like you did before
Please save me from this pain.
Leave me be in my own world
I want to be free again.

Only if I knew it would end like this
I would never start.
No one told me I’d become this
And that life would be so hard.

Mock me like you always do
You cannot be somebody else.
For all you know, in the end
You cannot laugh at yourself.

Everything & Nothing

Take me far away from here...i want to hide...feeling more and more like a puppet everyday...feeling like I'm losing control over myself...so just take me away...get me outta here...away from my followers...if Ive got any,that is...Im breaking down and at the same time getting to know so many things at the same time...but sometimes, the last thing u wanna know is if u knew too much...and i dont wanna be that guy...

i hate the things he said...i love the things she told me...i hate him for taking a part of me away...i love her for making me see i can do without it...maybe for once i should get it nailed through my skull that i am fine the way i am...but no, someone has to come along and fuck it up as soon as that happens once and for all...

i feel empty...but not when she is in my head and on my mind...she walks there all day cuz she has no place to sit...but that doesnt mean she shouldn't...dazed and confused...blame it on existentialism...come to think of it,me and waqar arent so different..we would probably like each other more if we weren't...

and why should you react so strongly...cant i be sad...i dont mind the emptiness...i too wish i could fly away....i got songs in my head that i wish i could sing...but no aazar,why be something ure not...why the fuck cant i try...i know i cry and beg and borrow and steal sometimes...but why the fuck cant i?Dont u?Let me blame me...i dont wanna wake up in the morning look at the mirror and go...''whose this guy?''...cuz that might just happen one day soon...

let me get lost...and find myself...when i want to...u dont know who u are...neither do i...so let me ponder awhile and watch how this works...memories make me and they break me too...i am stronger than i used to be even though i waste more time than anyone i know...but all for a good cause,love...all for a good cause.

Overdrive

Deep in the labyrinth of full grown wires
Down in the circle of rings
I found myself and a future uninspired
And all that I could have been.

Futures turning overnight
Mirror into something else.
Down these roads that shine no light
They can think on their own.

Velvet black the way she slides
Beneath the darkest waste.
I’m ready for death, whatever it means
But I needn’t make haste.

Can anybody see this?
Regardless of what they say
I’ve waited all this time
I waited my life away.

Now my hands are open wide
I’m shining bright and blue
These words that are in my head
Now I give to you.

The tomorrows burning bright
Like the fires of yesterday
It’s easily forgotten
Doubled up inside up, up and away.

Give me a reason, give me a voice
Choices are too many and hard for me to decide.
So pretty the lights of the nights
But I’m the one with silhouettes.

The darkness like a wandering star
Shallow as a hole with no sounds within.
Look at me with those eyesFor now my shadow’s wearing thin.

Oasis

I don’t mind the distance
Just every other day.
The shadows they keep drifting,
Time gets lost in space.

Looking outside my window
This world I don’t understand.
I hear words that don’t mean nothing,
A boy grows from the seed of a man.

I don’t long for a city life
I like silhouettes that drown the light.
Never to be the same again
I wish I had a mask for you in vain.

All for nothing, nothing at all
Can this place break my fall?
This winding road leads nowhere
I got nobody on my side, but I never stood so tall.

Wires

He stood in the room naked
Some words that he said.
I can’t escape the wires
I’ve been living in my head.

I looked around the place,
The walls were almost bare.
Some blood and upturned bibles on the floor,
And there were razors everywhere.

‘You know child’, he said to me
‘Sometimes I wake up alone’.
‘Tell me have I carved enough?’
‘Sir, you are a bone’.

I choose the songs that I sing with care
I can’t see the words but there are lines everywhere.
I’m going crazy, hanging on a prayer
But the water’s drying up in my wishing well.

I had a dream last night
Where they said the world would end.
I took that as a blessing
Something ‘heaven sent’.

For I am bound to fall
In this world, on my own.
I needn’t carry you on my shoulder
I’ll leave you alone.

Then he turned to the mirror
And he walked right through
I saw him going deeper in that tide
Leaving behind a sad sad tune.

Then I stood in the room naked
Wires going through my head.
I put my eyes on the ceiling,
There’s no place lonelier than this bed.

No one needn’t visit me,
No one should know my name.
You can label me as the crazy one
I’ll treat you just the same.

The chemicals between us, they call me now
There’s a truth inside I’d never understand.
Is there a frequency, a way to reach you somehow?
This boy shall never become a man.

Awake

Wake up now make up your mind
It’s been too long and everybody knows
Searching for you down these deep blue skies
It’s not my story and it never was.

Let go of it all for everything’s the same
Like breadcrumbs you’ve left scattered behind.
Here comes the sun but I wish it’d rain
Just like it always is, in my mind.

Falling down your sweet tune of sorrow
Lives are wasted but words are free
It’s yesterday still, but I dream of tomorrow
This is what I am and this is what I’ll always be.

Wake up now make up your mind,
When you’re close to me you’re so hard to recognize.
Still I tell you that nobody knows
It’s not my story, it never was.

You beg for a change in a life of denial
Close my eyes when I can finally see
Here’s my story forever under trial
I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to be.

Beautiful Ugly Things

Well here we are, everything is the same.
I don’t even remember the sound of my own name.
I can try but I’ll never be the same
I’m not like you, I’m stuck on rewind.

Shadows are falling, they’re shifting everyday
Like you in my eyes with the distance in my head.
You’re almost there, but never too late.
I’m not like you, I’m stuck on rewind.

Comfortable, I need you to hold this tight
Don’t let this one fall like my sweet decline
Down every road you’ve been on with a cracked rear-view mirror
I’m not like you, I’m stuck on rewind.

Every time I look the people are so strange
Laugh and cry at the same time, time and time again.
Yes I have many questions with answers in vain
I’m not like you, I’m stuck on rewind.

Every night is the same and this is everyday
Faded dreams and diamonds in the fire
But shining still like the things we do
This is for us, ones stuck on rewind.