Cheiko

This one is about a character - Cheiko, played by Rinko Kikuchi, from the movie ''Babel''...wich i saw recently and i think u shud too...cuz its awesome...anyway...Cheiko is a deaf, rebellious japanese teenager who is traumatized by the recent suicide of her mother(since she saw her doing it) and the fact that boys treat her like a monster because of her conditions. She starts exhibiting sexually provocative behavior, such as wearing a short skirt and no underpants...she walks thru the streets,goes to diso pubs and restraunts,does drugs and all but she cant hear a thing...she only sees blinding lights...thru out the movie...her loneliness peirces thru ur heart...anyhow...this is dedicated to people like Cheiko...

Wind in my hair
I'll lose myself
find me through empty sheets,
lay me on a canas.

I'll come to you
I'll burn with my wings white
let me open up.
Fly away or release me.

Where are you going?
Just who are you running from?
I'll find a reason to smile
the thinking trip is done.

this city is so empty
i don't hear a thing.
so let me feel your face
or your breath upon my skin.

let me run my fingers
down your hollow spine
i'll show you to the door
and everything would be just fine.

put myself against the glass
watch me from afar
oh mother wont you come to me
rid me of me scars

father, won't you hold your darling?
wont you whisper in my ear?
everything i wish i was
everything i want to hear.

i see a sea of people
all their faces look the same
mirror lies, but still i try
to be like them again.

lonely, in the city of blinding lights
i've become a name
call me a monster, call me a liar
i'll treat you just the same.

your eyes tear a hole
that old familiar sting
try to kill this fear of mine
but i remember everything.

travesty of life keeps unfolding
i walk these streets alone
the ghosts of yesterday dance with me
this house doesn't make a home.

i close my eyes, dream of yesterdays,
i dont care what tomorrow brings
the noise inside my head - the things i cant feel,
silence is no such thing.

A Lot Like Me

there's a place in my head

a place you can stay

there's just enough room for the two of us

you can feel safe.

iam not what i used to be
i never used to hide.
you look a lot like me
someone who lost the fight.


together we can spend out days
life's not as bad as it seems to be...
ups and downs always come and go
in ourselves, we need to believe.


i'll make you rise of,
you show me how to smile
for all you know.
it only lasts for a while.

i am not what i used to be
i never used to lie.
you look a lot like me
someone weary of the hide.


i'll hold you close
i'll treat you as my own,
i'll make you see the real
i'll never give up on you.


i'm not what i used to be
i never used to hide
you look a lot like me
someone who lost the fight...

Dithyramb

spinning with arms wide open

i've got jitters

see a woman in a misty sea

hope that she'll love me

nothing fits

nothing fixes

sick of your tricks

red, green and blue

cocktail mix

afternoon in the six

inches from the sun

to drown the sorrows

forgetting the past

to remember tomorrow

strings still ring in the head

melody sung

has already been forgotten

time goes by

scream with eyes shut

nobody listens

nobody gives a fuck

wish for someone to be there for me

drowned in love potion

wish to be someone else

wait for you in my cold cell

i stop trying to make it

i stop trying to fake it

nothing fits

nothing fixes

so i'll break the mirror

and take it.

Otherside

Now i greet you from the other side

we buried all our burdens all our burdens here.

I greet you with a love so wild and scattered,

It will reach you anywhere.

You stood by the lake,
you stood so tall.
but when you fell - it was a long way down
to nothing at all.

you thought you knew me
you took my hand
but then you let go
baby, im your man.

...and i dont know about tomorrows
i long for those yesterdays
i waited so long for you to come,
i waited my life away.

And now i see you on the other side
The other side of hope and despair
my love is so vast and scattered,
it will reach you anywhere...

Working Class Zero

i woke up this morning

got out of bed

picked up the pieces,

ive been living in my head.

i walked down the hall
put on my routine
the schedule was the same
another day with the obscene

i got in my ride,
took it down a familiar road
passed by the same corners
where young grow old.

i reached just in time
got the same abuse.
felt like stubborn garbage bags outside
felt so very out of use.

I got back home - late again
warm my bones beside the fire
fed on the idiot box - same again
consequence oh-so-dire.

im fading with my roots
feeding all my fears
never worn your shoes
but get me outta here.

iam no one
just lost in the crowd
with the world around me,
im burning out.

the wasted time is in my head
my thoughts are scream with what they've said.
i know who you are - waving your flag unfurled,
but just spend a day in my world.

Spinning

Round and round we go...
Who could've known it'd end so well...?
We fall on and we fall off...
Existential carousel...

Who The Fuck Is Alice...?

Alice is in her prime...even though i'm not...check her out...she's damn hot...aint she?

Kabeer

iam what i choose to be
no less than the sky
i only run for shelter
i do not wish to fly.
give me the sun,
not shelter from the rain.
if you dream with eyes open wide
i'll treat you just the same.
the hand that hurts
the heart that bleeds
our past is forlonged
but the future receeds.
you're in my head again
couldn't run if i tried
season's change too soon,
i can see from the corner of my eye.
the future's always complicated
always more than what it seems
if we wake with eyes wide shut
either way it's fun to dream.

Nameless

in the stillness of the evening,

when the sun has had its day

i hear your whispers, they come-a-calling

to take me away.

you pretend you know me
you think im just the same
safe choices inside my mind.
you'll never see me...

walk with me and i may follow
cant take you down these roads again
if you dont know where i'm coming from
how do you know where i've been?

i'm a stinger without a bee
these scars in my past have hurt me so
lend my name, the one they gave me,
it's the name i'm letting go...

Thank You For The Venom

Piece of shite... you try and do something nice, and turds like you throw it back in my face... Dude, I could HARDLY CARE LESS. I mean it. Enjoy the rest of your god damn life. I AM OUT. See ya....

Cradle Snatcher...

Paedophile...

I'll tell you everything in detalis later bue for now, if u see it like move on, so I'm moving....

...this asshole...

Wat do you do in class...dream or sleep?

Are you in class 5...?

Its ok aazar...

Sometimes its good to be numb...

I am ok
I am calm
How r you?

Thank you
Thank you
thank you.

The Cradle

im rocking in my prime

rotting in my wings

feed the beast inside

madness and overkill.

my vision turns blurry
fingers going numb
earth can take me in now
as blood starts to run...

in pursuit of trouble
all i see is pain
i crave for that hunger
come and fill me up again...

a line divides me in two
these shadows hide the truth.
what have i become?
hollow as i stare at the mouth of a gun.

she curls like smoke
dew on her lips
i cant watch those eyes
dark as an abyss

so let me walk down this line a thousand times
let me live, let me be free
your empty stare streches across the divide,
the crack in you bleeding heart, its me...

I Won't Back Down

Listening to Eddy Vedder sing...wow...his voice fills me with hope and faith like never before...for a moment i start believing in myself...not that i hate them but he is so fucking better than posers like Jim Morrison...he never acts drunk and never wants to take over the world or earn a million dollars...

He sings with feeling...with passion...and his song-writing skills are outta this world...he has been through a lot...the song 'Alive'...is about his mother coming up to him and telling him that his real father aint the one he got now but that he is dead...and in one episode of vh1 storytellers he told the audience that this particular song is a curse to him...its about a curse that he is under...and people think that this song is about celebration of life and feeling what it feels to be alive...and Eddy said...''everytime people change the meaning, the curse is lifted...''

I was just listening to his version of Tom Petty's 'I Won't Back Down'...and you can barely hear the guitar...but his thick, baritone voice just pierces through every heart in the crowd and by the end of it...the crowd is hysterical and singing along...now thats what i call good singing...

Well I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down

No I'll stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin me down
gonna stand my ground
... and I won't back down

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
hey I will stand my ground
and I won't back down

Well I know what's right, I got just one life
in a world that keeps on pushin me around
but I'll stand my ground
...and I won't back down

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
hey I will stand my ground
and I won't back down...

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
hey I won't back down

hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
hey I will stand my ground
and I won't back down

No I won't back down...

Ramblings...

Hanging on
Here until I'm gone
I'm right where I belong
Just hanging on

Even though
Watched you come and go
How was I to know
You'd steal the show?

I have fallen again...i dunno where to go...these thoughts in my head u will never understand..i think i am shutting my doors on love and everything related to my fucked up life and the relationships ive ever had...ha ha ha...HA HA HA HA HA...keep laughing adnan/arjun/nanki/khsitij/sahil/who so ever the fuck is reading this...thats right...u were always right...

One day I'll have enough to gamble
I'll wait to hear your final call
Bet it all

I dont know where to go...who to turn..it was like a room full of people..now it seems like they've all left me alone...i know i know i know they are here...but i sure as hell feel lonely and it seems like no matter how much i try...i feel i cant go back to anything..being the way i was or feeling the way i used to feel...

Hanging on
Here until I'm gone
Right where I belong
Just hanging on

Even though
I pass this time alone
Somewhere so unknown
It heals the soul

But ive given everything...wasnt it enough...these sands are sliding through my hand...these damn waves are too high...they are washing everything down..me included...but i dont feel purged...i dont feel redeemed..i feel burdened...thats right juliana is gone...she aint coming back...to herself...to me...to anything or anyone...another fucking weird reason for no reason what so ever...what should i do? how should i be perfect?
i cant achieve inertia...oh saikat sir...wont u help me...oh kabeer,wont u follow me blind...i will just lead u astray...let me go...just let me walk away...fade into oblivion...i dont belong to anyone or anything and nothing belongs to me....

You ask for walls
I'll build them higher
We'll lie in shadows of them all
I'd stand but they're much too tall
And I fall...

Her

The pavement is a square

i hop all alone

i watch the rain

but the light's not gone

four walls and an empty bed,

my head screams with the words they've said.

i'm neither left nor right,

i'm just staying home tonight.

there's a road i walk that

you wont be able to find.

but i'm going in circles,

coming back to what i've left behind.

preach me,teach me - i don't know it all

take my hand or i'll take the fall

i see the mirror not knowing what i've become

i watch the rain when the light's gone.

this is my story, this is my tale

this is the one i've left behind.

i hope you see what i am

hope you know how to read between the lines...

- for and about ishita,love ya!

Of Tomorrows...

What will happen if me and my love die tomorrow...?

you're leaving home again

i'll run right back to you...

you're breathing in again

the words they sell to you.

is this the end my friend?

just anoher night.

new year's round the bend

crash into me,i'll hold you tight.

walk through this wild,wild forest

i dont know your name

you dont know my weakness-so,

i'll treat you just the same

i'm not the same-no

they say you're dead and gone

the time passes by

and your memory lingers on...

but i live on through picturesque scenes

hanging on your flashing screens

lend me a name and i'll believe

things are what they seem to be.

and you're in my head all the time

i carry you through the darkest nights and hollow days

just lie with me,together on this earth

pretend to sleep and dream awake.

Castles Made Of Sand

He said he was hurt
she said she was dry
he folded his hands, just like his wings
wish he'd fly...


saw them sleepwalking from a distance
back on those unknown lands
forcing a smile in a state of self-denial
as the waves devoured their castles made of sand.


life - we take it for granted
and let go of the only hand
try to justify our reasons for excuses
we ourselves dont understand...

you refuse to see the boy in me
every promise i made went to waste
i'm hurt, a stinger without a bee
and you choose to call it 'fate'.


i'm sitting where you left me
hoping the sun wont set
it shines all the more bright now
just like my regerets.

i'm hoping you'd turn, see me in a new light
make promises you can never keep
and hold on to my hand
but i see you once again, walking out of sight
as the waves devour our castles made of sand...

Alone

heya...me and ayesha Wrote this a while back...take a look...

you're leaving home again,
two more steps to the porch
drop your bags and turn around...
I cannot be alone anymore

if you wanna live
u can take my hand
aint much a thing to hold
i hope u understand...

i know ur time is wasted
my face u'll see no more
one promise is given
i'll meet u on these changing shores...

we all walk the long road alone
sleepwalking down this line
dragging behind us the reproach of a million tears
as all our dreams become the sky...

all our pain becomes the basis of our lives
all our laughter begins to cease
as we hope to have a better life
we only want what we don’t need

but do we know what we really need?
Do we know what’s good for us?
Can we believe that we are able to live?
Can we give ourselves our trust?

And no, I havnt realized life,
I know not all that I wish for
What I need is slowing slipping away
I cannot live alone anymore…

Can you not listen to my plea?
And give your trembling hand to me?
I promise you, I will lead you true…
And please believe that I do love you

you may not be be perfect, I may not be great
The shattered pieces of our souls are scattered about
But maybe if we hold tight on to each others hands,
We can find them and and figure our life out…

and I know I need you, like the air I breathe
I’m so different from who I was before
I know that you will be able to save me…
I just don’t want to be alone anymore.

The Highway Man

in faith, he made a way

now he sees the sun setting

on the horizon everyday.

he could be told to go back tomorrow
but he wants his yesterdays.

he's walking on a road
he knows by heart
he's wandering and is lost

he could pray
to make his getaway
but all he needs
is one more day

a peaceful loner on an empty highway
nameless, and has to be lend a name
he could take another mile,
but it's all the same...

12:46am...6th december

Hey...

Iam a nine - fucking - teen...!!

Ha ha ha ha ha!!

Didnt get much calls right now on my budday but me happy none-the-less...i am!

anyway gotta sleep now as i got college tmrrw...

cya....

...soon!

Pierrot

twitching noses,
painted smile,
behind my mask
who knows what lies...?

walking the rope
dreading the line
make me laugh
and i'm feeling fine.

make up runs
net to catch me
let it burn
past is haunting.

hide and seek and push to play
so good to hear you laugh this way
animals and metals to push the veins,
torniquets and daisy chains...

the lights go out and no one speaks
i got their whispers in my mind.
they haunt and hurt like the needles,
but when i bleed, you're feeling fine...
(aren't ya ?)

Duality

iam what i am

or maybe i'm not

silence is mocking me

but you're all i've got...

and i lie broken

i can never be free

look into the mirror

the beast that's inside of me

let it sleep, away now

let it dream and die

sing no songs, whisper my names

i'll live the lie

you make me push
so far inside
you only look beautiful
when you're faithful...


make me let out this noise
i'm burning with the one that's inside

why is it so easy
to talk to you now?
let me check the rope,
dangle with my hope,
this is my duality.

Paradise

revelations in my head

bit the apple too soon

fallen angels, hear me now

i never fell this far...

this place is all hollow

a heart that beats

hide and seek

worship, play and retreat...

visions of the serpent

visions of the moon

flow like the river

fly away too soon...

this reckless desire

a future admired

angels calling through the stars

i never fell this far...

leave me be in this place we call ''home''

i'll burn and toil and try

i know i dont belong in heaven

and your paradise is a lie...

Nightmares

floating wild, phantom child

scaring me away, pushing me away...

running desire, life to inspire

leaving me this way, pushing me away...

blood is on the walls...

i'm left to crawl...

watch me concede to your name,

push me or i will fall...

so get higher,

and take me down

another step, inching closer,

just four walls surround...

dancing mild, loveless exile

bleeding this way, pushing me away...

life in denial, future for hire,

scaring me away, pushing me this way...

eyes that stare

a mouth that lies open

the past is near

but the future's foresaken...

you'll never see me...

you'll never see me...

you'll never see me...

you'll never see...

Cold

My hands are cold

my body is the same..

i just know my scars

never knew no names...

so wake up and close your eyes
dream with me and sing along
so cold, but atleast you're mine
i never knew we could write this song...

i'm feeling rather square
giving into all of this
the ghosts of yesterday dance with phantoms of tomorrow
as i stare down my black hole of an abyss.

they ask me why i hate?
why do i throw this all behind?
i'm hesitant of all the questions asked
i'm just like you, walking the line.

i'm so cold like you, hold my hand
the past seems to be coming near.
if love is just a feeling, i'll still take my stand
won't watch you disappear...

Walking Tainted

Ayesha and i wrote this...this is by us,for us and about us...read on...

I’ve come so far
From where I once began
Walking down this road ive been on before
And no one showed us to the land


And what land may that be, I ask?
I never wanted to walk this way once more
Everything seems so familiar, yet not the same
But, I feel what I’ve always felt before


Every sky upturned, every raindrop that fell
Every beautiful spectacle that was to be
Seemed like confusion that opened my eyes
What if this land was not meant for me?


What if the feelings I felt, the tears I cried
Were someone else’s flaws?
What would you think if this wasn’t me
Would you remember me at all?

And sometimes, I try to find myself
Inside this path of thorns
Memories and haunted visions
Are what helps me go on…

And when I feel as if I’m blind
When my mind starts to wander
I think back to all that I didn’t do
And my steps begin to falter

But
but i walk, still...
inside this silent riot...
the city streets beneath my feet make it worse
all this noise inside the quiet...

all the shouts and mocking from my heartless past
all the hate without a purpose
aches and crawls beneath my skin
but I will not let them surface


finally i am falling free,
reasons washing down my hands...
careless, running in the rain,
and now i understand...

there are no where's or why's...
no one gives and no one tries...
no one is willing to walk through this land
so i throw open the windows, come and take my hand...

Wish U Were Here...

Talked to Juliana today...i could hear music in the background...she told me she was in a different city...

I was worrying faltu mein about her not coming online...and it was only cuz her net connection is down...phew!!

We said love ya to each other...oh how sweet she sounds wen she says it...like a lullaby..but i cant sleep...this voice keeps me up at night...

Juliana,wish you heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Hi,hi,hi...!!

Mwah

Love ya!!!

Almost Together

Me wrote this and Ishita modified it for her recitation thingy in school...it used to be called almost and now its...oh, just read on...

Almost perfect, still not done
Together forever, still not one
On the same road, you and I
Earth-bound misfits, learning to fly

Almost there, so far away
Losing the old, to a brand new day
Scared of the sun, we watch the rain
Still miss the comfort, in our pain

Almost new, we’re broken toys
This love, this life was not our choice
What is the truth? Everything is a lie
Ashen faced, yet so alive

Almost trusting, scarred with betrayal
Ever optimistic, that this ship will sail
You’ve held my hand; we’ll brave the storm
You picked me up, taught me to move on!

Almost smiling, together we cry
Finding answers to a childlike ‘why’
With each other, we learnt to laugh
Making a present, understanding a past

Almost together, we removed a veil
With unknown words, you wrote my tale
Took me along but remained a guide
Strangers perhaps, but two of a kind

Almost true, dreamt a lie
Your shoulder to rest upon with a sigh
Friends forever, they all say
But don’t know, where the wind will blow you away

Almost right, we don't know what is wrong
Yet everyday, we sing our song
This game of life, it isn’t that real
This connection I seek, won’t it too disappear?

Open Your Eyes...

I used to hate all that i didnt like...now i dont anymore...the present leaves me much more confused than the future will...dont know who i will hold on to and who i will have to let go...dont know about the choices i will end up making...oh but i hate thinking about those things now and i just wanna take each day as it comes to me...throw me another monday,tuesday, wednesday...and the other ones too...i will treat them just the same...i will never change...i dont even want to...

I am never alone,
Im alone all the time..
Are you at one?
Or do you lie?

The epiphany sorta moment is when i look in the mirror these days...i just dont see who i wanna be anymore...which is very good, the thought of looking at me like the person i know i will end up becoming is a thought that, strangely enough, has become very comforting lately...

Juliana didnt come online today also...oh how i miss my motu...damn, wish i could hold her and just forget the world...walk in the rain hand in hand and laugh at all those who think we wont ever be together...laugh at them and pass them by without even looking twice while they hide under the shade...ha!

Had a nice chat with rwick today..i under-estimated him and maybe never gave him a chance to show how much he cares...well the answer is a lot...!!

Gonna make some changes in my college too...bit by bit..hope all the ideas discussed in the meeting today work out just fine like the butter on my bread i am eating just now.

I love juliana and i aint afraid to tell anyone and nothing cant stop me now...ayesha is so sweet and we're writing a poem together...i guess she's the only one whose on the same page as me..and i am glad its her and not anyone else...oh how dat girl writes poetry...beautiful,just beautiful...

Im opening my eyes yet again to a larger picture...i can hear the sounds and the music clearly than ever before...i see the moon and the sun like i never did...sunsets and sunrises come and go but i will always be what i am...and i hope those around me stay that way too...hope no one walks out...

I love all of you...and for once i can say that ive started to like myself too...goodnight!