Thursday, 22 March 2007

The End

This one is for those
Who lost their tracks.
For shattered dreams
And broken noses in the back.

I haven’t come much far
From where we once began
But the story’s over
Let go of my hand.

I gave you my word
So why don’t you sing?
Me thoughts are wasted
You cannot dance to anything.

The water gets so cold
And the waves, they get so high.
All that we’ve ever known is lost,
You know it must drift away and die.

I’ll change my name
I’ll find my song.
With the revelations in my head,
I’ll sing along.

I’ll burn my flag
Tear my soul
Clip my wings
Feel free to roam.

And behind me I see
Glowing embers of the places I’ve left behind.
I run, shelter from the sun
It’s always raining in my mind.

A song sounds the same
When words don’t mean a thing.
Open your eyes, love
This is the end.

Present Tense

Two years have passed, since
I’ve been the same.
I’ve seen it all,
Always took the blame.

She blinks so slowly
Stuck in my head.
Walk with me,
Past is instil.

I’ll never change
Everything around me does
Too much time
Spent on wasted love.

I’ll hold my ground
I’ll start again.
Change my shoes
Walk through rain.

To walk this road ain’t easy.
But is there ever an easy way out?
This last line is a contradiction
I knew more then, than I do now.

Drama Queen

You seem lost, girl
Are you looking for a change?
Burn this flag in front of me
Tomorrow you’ll raise the same.

When I fall down,
It’s hard to find me there.
When I get high,
You’re everywhere.

You walked by me
I didn’t really care.
It was for the second time
When I really stood and stared.

I’ll do it all
To hear those three words.
At time I feel,
I feel too much.

And you rage love with mistletoe,
Everyone’s a broken story, sanity in tow.
Hide beside me please if you cant let it show.
Everyone’s scared to death of dying here alone.

When I choose to kneel,
You know I really care.
When I start to bleed,
You tell me it’s not fair.

Hey Casanova, pass me the mistletoe,
Too scared of holding on or letting this go.
Too tired to try, I’ve been thinking you’d know
For everyone’s scared of dying here alone.


Sometimes you lie so quiet
You stare at an empty space.
Smile with tears in your eyes
You know everything else can just wait.

Aren’t you tired?
Of waiting here alone.
No, they won’t listen
Stop beating your hands at the door.

So pretty when you smile.
So empty when you lie.
I’ve been learning to forgive,
I’ve been yearning to try.

I look at walls that’ll never change.
I miss your voice calling out my name.
I miss the way you used to sing.
Words are different, but the song remains the same.


Can I please be oblivious?
Wanna break into a run,
Don’t know what to call this
I’ve only just begun.

You and your names, they haunt me still
I’ll do it all, wait by your door
Dream of you, and
Your phantom kiss.

I can be your favourite liar
Your boy without a soul
Lead you through this life, uninspired.
I know I’m not the one you’re looking for.

So pick up your weight and walk with me
Only we know we can never be free.
Everything I do, feels the same
These songs I write don’t mean a thing.

Like a soldier fighting a losing battle
A gun and a flower in his hands.
I get up and walk away
Then I was just a boy.
Now I’m only a man.

Tuesday, 20 March 2007

She & Them

She said she wants to be like me
Five years down the line
I told her we should be ourselves
Before we run out of time.

Another got up and left the room
I followed her through the maze.
She turned and laughed at me
She said it’s just a phase.

And she, she wants to change the world
I said it’d stay the same.
Hey girl, haven’t you seen enough?
Only you know you can change.

Another one said – boy, you gotta straighten out,
Clear your head that’s been filling with doubt.
I don’t know why you should even care
Then leave me alone, standing here.

One wants to push me against the wall
One wants to make me crawl.
One leaves with nothing to say
I’m still here, but you’re walking away.

And she said the world could wait,
Lets dance for one last time.
I said we should save the last dance
Till we know our steps will rhyme.

She said that she would pack her bags
Leave this town behind.
A tired song on a tired radio
But tonight – it’s gonna be just fine.

A house in the hills she’ll build
Everything else can just wait.
So tell me where you wanna go,
Because now you’re walking away.


When you look into my eyes
You got nothing to say.
We’ll keep our lives reserved
For those who have to pray.

I’ve come a long way
From where I once began.
Darkness surrounds me today
Come and take this hand.

Down on the outside
Nothing seems to last.
You gotta slow down, woman
You’re moving way too fast.

You’re the sweetest friend,
Not a bend in the road.
Past is burning behind
But we’ll let it go.

And the mirror lies again
And the reflection fades away.
We’ll keep our lives reserved
For those who have to pray.

-Dedicated to Juh, my angel, my friend and the sweetest muse.

Monday, 12 March 2007

Black Circle

Running back and forth in my head
Thinking about throwing this switch down.
I know the pieces don’t fit, never will
Wonder what will it take for us to come around.

Is there any hope left? Perhaps none.
This black circle of a planet still spinning,
Here no one wins and no one’s one.

I am in my head, I’m burning out
What the fuck is this place? So upside down.
And what did I find? More than just a change…
I don’t want to lose this common ground.

Under the earth, your breed’s dying
Still, with those eyes, that smile – you depart.
Wasting it all away to nothingness,
Betting it all on an ace of spades, queen of hearts.

Words are hollower than your soul,
Still they haunt, cut like the knives.
Everything and everyone is done,
We choose to call this life.

Theory of a dead man, words of Christ
Rising on my skin, stigmata of time.
Still got to choose the way I wanna slide,
He lead me astray, was never a fucking guide.

Sunday, 11 March 2007

Lost Letters

Ive a thing for north easters chicks...ive a thing for japanese babes...damn so hot...!!

Whenever i look at em i go crazy...

why am i even writng this down?

its not like you care...but anyway this is useles piece of information that u can spin to your heart's delight in any way u want go right ahead be my my me!

i miss her like hell...damn iam going insane...i need money college, wont you bestow this honour upon me??...i gotta get somewhere rather than going nowhere...

and why...

why the fuck shud u mind everything i tell you this much?

after all i am your aazarina...yeah sorry boy...i get angry glad i aint naming you here...watcha gonna do?

and damn the distance...just damn it.
damn the letters that will never get to juliana...and vice versa.
damn the things i will never be able to tell saranya.
damn the times i will never be besides zehra.
damn the times i cant talk to rwick.
damn the things i can't be

iam outta here.

Fucking A Boy

Don’t get the meaning
Of writing this down
In pursuit of happiness
Only silence surrounds.

Fucking just a boy
Maybe now I’m a man.
Look inside my head
You’ll never understand.

Sexy body, you got no hair
Let me touch you, feel your breath
You just fucking stay away.
I am a boy; don’t fuck me in the ass.

They say I’m a woman
I sing like one.
My mother is ashamed
When she sees me naked.

Well, here I am.
Now I stand.
Just a boy.
Maybe a man.

Lights go down
Screams go out.
Remove your fucking hand
Or I’ll rip it out.


Heard the clown weep with his jokes gone bad
Seen the soldier sleep on a pile of rags.
Watched a poet burn his words to ash,
But I still wait for my time to pass.

He loves me still, she loves me not
Tired of his hollow stare.
Fucking drama, why this innocent?
This silence leads us nowhere.

This is a contradiction, avarice and shame
Ain’t no point left to shout.
I’m nothing, no one again,
I knew more then, than I do now.

I’ve seen them kill an innocent man
But man is never innocent – why the fuck not?
These words wouldn’t do any good
It’s not like you want this to last.

My mind’s delusional, maybe I need a fuck
But oh no, how can you say?
These babes won’t turn their ass on you
Fuck his ass, anyway.

-pointless ? worthless? fuck you.


Where were you when,
I got so high?
I never grew wings
Yet I wished to fly.

With friends surrounded and the fire burning,
I found a reason to forget.
Writing names on the glass,
My thoughts went far; up, up and away.

I never look before I laugh
But I always look ugly in a photograph.
It’s not just your eyes, they haunt me still
No one can see, no one can see.

Where were you when
I touched the sky?
I found myself right here
Wish you could see me smile.

Where were you when
The troubles died?
I fucked up my stomach
For on last time.

Well, I’m still waiting, thinking of you,
The words you said, they still ring true.
I hope you forget everything I didn’t say,
I’ve been here but you’ve been away.


She walks on the pavement
Shadows across the lonely room
2 am, what a time to run
And leave behind her only load.

Mother is dying with a baby in her womb,
Blood lies scattered all over the room.
The wound grows deeper, cutting through the skin
Past on her back, but it’s everything.

She cries in the basement,
Tied to daisy chains.
They pushed her too far,
Bled her veins.

Now al her nightmares
Know her name.
But she is walking out,
Things won’t be the same.

She is the shape of things to come,
Hides her wounds, starts to run.
Sun is rising, heartless glow
Turns around, which way to go?

Under The Tree

She called me from her window yesterday while i was sitting with frends surrounding and a teacup in my hand, i was thinking of her only...she was writing her name on her frosty i wish i was there...i would write mine too...

iam afraid she would read this and she would know in her head, my my hurt wont change her and she would stay the same...i could care more but its ok...iam not in love and for the first time iam glad...i like everything about she moves in slow motion...nothing would ever change for the rest of my life but iam learning to live with it...

under the tree with the wind blowing...she is shaking from head to drunk once but is ok now...iam gettin high on my own supply but damn do i miss her like nuts...driving me insane yes she is...ive nevr felt this before or maybe i have and have forgotten it...or maybe i have just not in the same way...

oh man ure gonna try everything which aint too dangerous for ya aint ya?

anyway its ok...iam glad she is happy...and a frend is i couldnt ask for more...its freezing here...but would be so hot...i cannot be where she is...but we will meet my head ure already there...dont waste ur time on me.

Me, Alone

Sometimes i need the sun even when i know its gonna my thoughts in my head which even i dont get most of the times, i really dont know how the hell does this world thing is for sure, the funniest thing here are the people walking around, dont figure em out boy...just walk away form this...let the guitar play in your head..let poetry merge in ur brain...forget it all move on...dont look back.

This is getting more and more happy...iam finally true...iam finally what i wanted to be...i am loved iam wanted...ive become a boy...and i dont wanna be a man anymore...sorry uncle, sorry dad, sorry my brother...i let you down...

sometimes i think iam becoming more and more like a girl each and everyday and sometimes i just wanna do and feel what i feel like doing and being...whats really sad is the lets me down everyday...

i am learning to give up my real dreams and chasing the ones i know might never come true but seem more within reach than anything thats close to me.

oh, how i love you aazar.

Sunday, 4 March 2007


why is my world so black and white...that too on the festival of colours...actually i dunno what colour it is anymore...different shades of grey would be the best definition.

all my frends dont know what they want and its sad when they try to tell me to have an idea of exactly what i should want...i havent walked down this road and i wont now...for it isnt the time...but still they preach with hollow hopes or hopes in vain...and i can say i do too...but it leads no where...way too fast.

i saw juliana's pics today in her album.
god she's beautiful.

her smile.
the black locks of her hair.
her lips.
her face.

a reminder of all the things i cant have.

a picture.
not black and white.
definetly not gray.




The pictures you took,
They didn’t have my face.
The letters that I sent,
Got lost along the way.

I’ll be there when you look in the mirror,
Maybe on the other side.
I’ll stick around, underground
If you ever choose to hide.

You know I’m not the same
And I get so high.
Even if I forget your name,
I promise I’d remember the time.

You never told me a thing,
Still I know what you wanted to say.
I wish you could see me, girl
When you look the other way.

And in the end when songs are sung
When sorrow rules the day.
With hollow hopes our heads are hung,
Come and take me away.

There are riddles that lie unheard
Like the words not yet spoken.
And there’s silence that speaks louder than words
Of promises broken…